In preparation for the new semester, several suites are taking part in the #ShowerTogether movement, which advocates for suite mates to shower together in the mornings to not only save time, but also bond with each other.
#ShowerTogether
#ShowerTogether
DID YOU KNOW? #NationalDayEdition
Singlish is included in Singapore's very own National Anthem, MajuLAH Singapura, as a subtle nod to our linguistic heritage.
Singlish is included in Singapore's very own National Anthem, MajuLAH Singapura, as a subtle nod to our linguistic heritage.
The composer Zubir Said apparently had trouble deciding between Majulah, Majulor, Majuwalaoeh, and MajuKNNCCB.
Cendols, Sagans, and Elmies are encouraged to #ShowerTogether in light of recent water issues. Yet another opportunity for YNC to show community spirit through quality bonding activities.
#ShowerTogether
#ShowerTogether
JUST IN: Finance bros reported to have enormous dark circles just on the 2nd day of the semester.
One suitemate reports: “I used to hear sex noises from his room. Now I hear sobbing noises as he applies to 25 banks and reads the Financial Times for class while eating in the Dining Hall. I doubt I’ll hear sex noises from his room again.”
“Why all this toil?” We asked a Finance bro. He said: “At least I’ll be able to say ‘Works in Finance’ in my Tinder bio.”
One suitemate reports: “I used to hear sex noises from his room. Now I hear sobbing noises as he applies to 25 banks and reads the Financial Times for class while eating in the Dining Hall. I doubt I’ll hear sex noises from his room again.”
“Why all this toil?” We asked a Finance bro. He said: “At least I’ll be able to say ‘Works in Finance’ in my Tinder bio.”
BREAKING: Mocktant editors fly back from semester abroad to recruit willing victims at the StuOrg Fair
The Mocktant pinned «BREAKING: Mocktant editors fly back from semester abroad to recruit willing victims at the StuOrg Fair»
Due to an overwhelming positive response in the stuorg fair, we've decided to open our exclusive welcome tea to all our loyal followers on this channel. https://tinyurl.com/mocktea123
Google Docs
MOCKTANT: Welcome Tea sign-up form
MOCKTANT invites you to become a part of the INNER CIRCLE and engage in the spiciest reporting ever seen in YNC. We have exciting plans for the sem. Sign up for our welcome tea below, on 8 Sept, Wednesday, 7-8PM. Bubble tea and other snacks provided!!!
The Mocktant pinned «Due to an overwhelming positive response in the stuorg fair, we've decided to open our exclusive welcome tea to all our loyal followers on this channel. https://tinyurl.com/mocktea123»
CAMPUS NEWS (StuOrg fair edition)
- Sophs and Juniors discover that YNC does actually have a campus life after the StuOrg fair. “Damn, I didn’t know YNC Philo Collective was a thing.” Commented a student now in her 3rd year of college.
- YNC Ballroom members realise they can’t stop dancing as they spontaneously put on a performance. “Must. Keep. Dancing.” Remarked breathless ballroom members.
- A bunch of finance bros take Mocktant’s advise and transition from Finance to Entrepreneurship, as YNES makes a comeback as Halcyon Founders.
- Legend says ComPact is still looking for exco members. “Pls be our treasurer pls.“ ComPact members were heard saying.
- Sophs and Juniors discover that YNC does actually have a campus life after the StuOrg fair. “Damn, I didn’t know YNC Philo Collective was a thing.” Commented a student now in her 3rd year of college.
- YNC Ballroom members realise they can’t stop dancing as they spontaneously put on a performance. “Must. Keep. Dancing.” Remarked breathless ballroom members.
- A bunch of finance bros take Mocktant’s advise and transition from Finance to Entrepreneurship, as YNES makes a comeback as Halcyon Founders.
- Legend says ComPact is still looking for exco members. “Pls be our treasurer pls.“ ComPact members were heard saying.
GYM SPICE
After observing YNC people bringing their non-YNC partners in the gym to do couple workouts, gym SAs have decided to strictly enforce only YNC people using the gym.
This newfound enforcement comes after people complained about too many couples working out together in the gym. One gym-goer told Mocktant: “Many people go to the gym because they just got dumped or their partner is having too much fun on sem abroad. Couples working out together not too inclusive to such people, lah.”
Upon asking why couples want to workout together, one gym-goer told us: “I need to take him to the gym lah. His muscles need to get bigger to compensate for other…smaller things.”
After observing YNC people bringing their non-YNC partners in the gym to do couple workouts, gym SAs have decided to strictly enforce only YNC people using the gym.
This newfound enforcement comes after people complained about too many couples working out together in the gym. One gym-goer told Mocktant: “Many people go to the gym because they just got dumped or their partner is having too much fun on sem abroad. Couples working out together not too inclusive to such people, lah.”
Upon asking why couples want to workout together, one gym-goer told us: “I need to take him to the gym lah. His muscles need to get bigger to compensate for other…smaller things.”
What should we name Jimmy Nugget’s baby?
Anonymous Poll
32%
Baby Nugget
13%
Slippin’ Jimmy
16%
Jimmy Jr.
49%
Lil nuggy
OTHER NEWS
Despite thoroughly unfavourable circumstances, Cendols maintain that Cendana A is NOT cursed. YNC Affirmations - an insta page that posts optimistic and corny YNC content - has been observed repeatedly remarking: “CENDANA A IS NOT CURSED” despite the repeated chain of bad luck.
Despite thoroughly unfavourable circumstances, Cendols maintain that Cendana A is NOT cursed. YNC Affirmations - an insta page that posts optimistic and corny YNC content - has been observed repeatedly remarking: “CENDANA A IS NOT CURSED” despite the repeated chain of bad luck.
BREAKING
Mocktant has received news that several students have submitted a petition to rename the room “Practice Room 6” (PR6) to “Party Room 6.” Several students who submitted the petition claim to be part of a campus cult called “Party Corporation.”
Introverts on campus have expressed their dislike towards this cult and their petition. An introvert remarked: “Before the birth of PR6 events my suitemate and I used to play Mario Kart together on Friday nights. Now I play Mario Kart alone.”
“Why was this petition submitted?” Mocktant asked the signatories. They replied: “Huh, idk dude we were drunk and it somehow happened haha. You don’t think we’ll get in trouble with infra, right?”
Mocktant has received news that several students have submitted a petition to rename the room “Practice Room 6” (PR6) to “Party Room 6.” Several students who submitted the petition claim to be part of a campus cult called “Party Corporation.”
Introverts on campus have expressed their dislike towards this cult and their petition. An introvert remarked: “Before the birth of PR6 events my suitemate and I used to play Mario Kart together on Friday nights. Now I play Mario Kart alone.”
“Why was this petition submitted?” Mocktant asked the signatories. They replied: “Huh, idk dude we were drunk and it somehow happened haha. You don’t think we’ll get in trouble with infra, right?”
The Mocktant telegram channel has reached 1000 subscribers. Thank you for your support everyone ❤️
Given that we're obviously the most popular student organisation on campus, we will now replace StuGov as the representative of the student body effective immediately.
Given that we're obviously the most popular student organisation on campus, we will now replace StuGov as the representative of the student body effective immediately.
BREAKING NEWS
After The Mocktant’s rampant popularity and success, another satirical news outlet named “The Mockingbird” have decided to copy us by making their own Telegram group.
However, there are concerns amongst the Mockingbird camp that they won’t be able to keep up with Mocktant’s fantastic and top notch content. Mockingbird’s editor was heard saying: “We’re just not funny enough to compete with Mocktant. But we try.”
Mocktant’s exco just has one thing to say: “Maa, we’ve made it. ”
After The Mocktant’s rampant popularity and success, another satirical news outlet named “The Mockingbird” have decided to copy us by making their own Telegram group.
However, there are concerns amongst the Mockingbird camp that they won’t be able to keep up with Mocktant’s fantastic and top notch content. Mockingbird’s editor was heard saying: “We’re just not funny enough to compete with Mocktant. But we try.”
Mocktant’s exco just has one thing to say: “Maa, we’ve made it. ”