I am the only daughter in the family – which means I am the long-awaited son, the king and the warrior, the sacrifice and the martyr, the menace and the threat, the prophet and the saint, the sinner, sharp-tongued, too loud, unruly, a disappointment, a delight, a sorrow, a wound, a joy, the tears and the bruises, and the one who broke the vicious cycle.

therapy isn't enough. I need to go back to my childhood and trace the patterns on the carpet with my finger until the world feels quiet again.

"as a man, I believe that abortions..", "feminism is unnecessary", "so now it's okay to hit women because they want equality?", "women's football – who's it really for?", "she got that position through sleeping around", "women should..", "she provoked him", "the domestic violence law is useless", "misandry exists".

she was a "gone girl", "pearl", "maxxxine", "helter scelter", "american mary", "the virgin suicides", "humanist vampire seeking consenting suicidal person", "marie antoinette", "the love witch", "vvitch", "stoker", "mona lisa smile" girl, there was no boy.

please don't small talk me. out of panic and misplaced politeness, I'll end up telling you something weird and mildly horrifying about myself, smile like nothing happened, walk away too fast, and you'll be stuck thinking about that cursed detail for the rest of your life.

sexual orientation? women from films and books who are commonly hated, but in my opinion they have done nothing wrong. if I were in their shoes, I would do the same.

woman says: "oh, that's my favourite song!"
and that's the song that makes her want to sob, break dishes and have a tantrum all night long.

I don't want to be a vampire in the "drink blood" way, I want to be a vampire in the "charismatic bisexual icon with an incredible sense of style" way.

I'm sorry, I'm not ready for a relationship right now. I suppose joan of arc's death affected me more than I expected.

how I want my man:

I don't know what kind of aesthetic I have. I'm just a tired young woman who jokes on the Internet and is obsessed with actors twice my age.

daily reminder: the word "man" is often removed from news reports in english-language and european media, replaced with passive or impersonal phrasing when discussing crimes committed by men. meanwhile, the word "woman" is being erased from medical literature, replaced with terms like "people who menstruate" or "pregnant people". and that says a lot about the society we live in.