i truly believe that the only way to deal with an obsessive thought loop is not by trying to boost yourself up by thinking more positively of yourself but rather thinking bigger than yourself.

your values, your calling or however you call it is big enough, true enough and sustainable enough to carry you through self doubt because you essentially care so much about getting it done that you don’t have time and space in your mind for the above.

“Secondly, developing self-awareness supports leaders in developing what 19th-century poet John Keats described as "negative capability", which he defined as "capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries and doubts without any irritable reaching after fact and reason." I believe this is core to leading in today's environment - often described as a VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous) or BANI (brittle, anxious, non-linear and incomprehensible) world.”

when you imagine yourself pursuing your dreams, do not imagine a super confident rockstar.
imagine a racked with self-doubt rockstar.
it’s only expected that fear will be there.

- Emma Grede

apparently, in life, you get what you ask for.

if you've gotten used to proving yourself through great work, you might expect that people are gonna notice and reward you accordingly. sure, your competence will get noticed sooner or later, but i think it's always better to learn to signal what exactly you want.
even at work, i used to put in extra effort, more than everyone else around me, but would feel uncomfortable asking about promotion possibilities (following certain rules applied to all working students). when i did mention it to my manager, she was more than happy to accommodate, be that financially or in terms of responsibilities.

and especially if you're a woman, you tend to search for excuses to avoid making the big step. in the fear of overstepping. makes sense ofc, considering things like women usually being seen as either likeable or competent but rarely both. but the thing is, no one else is gonna hand it to you.

you'll need to go, say what you want and aim for, claim it, and back it up with results.

@summernotes