huh, I just realized I haven't thought about offing myself in quite some time.
progress, I guess.

I think when you're in a very suicidal state where you constantly think about it, it can develop into a sort of obsession for your mind. Even when you come out of that episode, you constantly think about different ways you would do it, how and where, or actively imagining yourself doing it to predict how likely it would be for you to give up at the last minute or not.
You train your mind into a constant state of looking for new ways, better ways, ways that are sure to work.
It's one thing to come out of that episode and seek help, and improve, and another thing to stop obsessing over it even when you're out of that mindset.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm no longer suicidal, but I still obsess over the residual thoughts.

But it's helpful to remind myself that having anxiety over the thought of developing suicidal thoughts, means that deep down I don't want to die. I just want to live better.

you bitches have nothing on me when I'm having me some double dark chocolate ice cream

یه آدمایی تو این عصر و ایام هوموفوبن که آدم باورش نمی‌شه. تو کدوم هزاره داری زندگی می‌کنی برادر؟

دنیا غرق در کثافت مطلقه و نمی‌دونم تا کی می‌تونم سر خودم رو گرم کنم که دیوانه نشم از یادآوری روزمره‌ی این حقیقت.

کدومتون ان‌قدر سریع پستامو می‌خونه و واکنش می‌ده؟ 😐

this is my most detailed and largest TS4 build yet, and I just wanted to share it here because I'm kinda proud of it uwu