I truly must have lost my mind or at least control of it, for I have just tried to pray.

I wanted to ask God to help me but I could utter only words, dark, useless words which fell on the floor beside me and rolled off into the corners and underneath the bed.

I tried, I really tried to remember what I should say after, “Now I lay me down to sleep …” but they are only words, useless, artificial, heavy words which have no meaning and no powers. They are like the ravings of the idiotic spewing woman who is now part of my inmate family. Verbal rantings, useless, groping, unimportant, with no power and no glory. Sometimes I think death is the only way out of this room.

Take a drink every time you hear you’re not enough.
Not the right fit.
Not the right look.
Not the right focus.
Not the right drive.
Not the right time.
Not the right job.
Not the right path.
Not the right future.
Not the right present.
Not the right you.
Not you.
(Not me?)
There’s just something missing.
(Missing…)
From us.
What could I have done?
Nothing. It’s just …
(Who you are.)
I didn’t think we were serious.
(You’re just too …
… sweet.
… soft.
… sensitive.)
I just don’t see us ending up together.
I met someone.

I’m sorry.
It’s not you.
Swallow it down.
We’re not on the same page.
We’re not in the same place.
It’s not you.
We can’t help who we fall in love with.
(And who we don’t.)
You’re such a good friend.
You’re going to make the right girl happy.
You deserve better.
Let’s stay friends.
I don’t want to lose you.
It’s not you.
I’m sorry

(A poignant premeditated benevolence profligacy).
Tardy realizations kill you.

Forgiveness is the most selfish thing a person can do for themselves

He’s mine now, he will be with me for the rest of my life
-Elektra