wanna hide

it's finally September

no one ever tells you that bravery feels like fear

What do you do when the silence
becomes unbearable? When the
noise in your head is louder than
anything outside? I used to think
silence was peaceful, that it was a
place to find yourself, to breathe.
But now, it feels like a weight pressing
down, like an empty room with no
doors and no windows. You sit in it
long enough, and it starts to twist
your thoughts, bend them out of
shape until you don't know what's
real anymore.

Some days you exist like the last speaker of an extinct language. These are the silences that litter the heart

suddenly there's September. hopefully it brings things that August couldn't.
though I can't help but wonder
as I watch the leaves descend,
if I could shed and fall to pieces as well
and show up brand-new
and beautiful
next spring

I feel like trying again

i need new plants

me every five minutes:

you convinced yourself that this
was necessary, this darkness.
that it was the only way to survive
to grow stronger than
those who hurt you.
it consumed your mind,
your heart, your soul.
you let that power in, let it
run in your every vein,
let it make your eyes
black as the night.

In the end, if I fall or if I get it all
I just hope that it's worth it

And if you leave me, then I'll be afraid of everything

It was a long time ago. It doesn't matter anymore.
And yet I cannot let it go. I cannot let it go.