Poll question - do you think you're a horse?
No comments please, just yay or neigh.

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick
...especially because his name is Steve

#roats
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A woman on the bus just asked me “do you have any pets?”
“A goldfish” I said.

She then asked “any hobbies?”

I replied “he likes swimming.”

#other
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Why are prisoners virgins?
Because they are incels.

#wordplay
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I’m trying to find a place where I’m considered tall.
You know. Somewhere I be long.

#wordplay
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I call it an elevator, but my British friend calls it a lift.
I guess we were just raised differently.

#wordplay
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Why would T-Rex have a hard time playing the piano?

They're extinct.

#other
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How do you make 7 even?

Take away the S.

#wordplay
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A man and a woman CAN be just friends without there being any sex involved...
...It's called marriage.

#other
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“I see,” Said the blind man as he peed into the wind, “it’s all coming back to me now.”

#wordplay
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My grandpa once said, “When I was a kid, you could go to the store with $2 and come home with a loaf of bread, a jug of milk, 2 candy bars and a cold drink.”
“Now, they have cameras.”

#oldbutgold
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My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.”
I went in as Batman.

#other
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History teacher asked: What comes before B.C.?
Me: A.

#wordplay
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Whats the difference between a worker and a scientist?
How they pronounce "unionized"

#wordplay
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How do cops like their coffee?
Black with a couple of shots in it.

#wordplay
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I saw a couple cows smoking as they played poker
I guess you could say the steaks were high

#wordplay
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Four men are in a hospital because their wives are having babies.

A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations, you’re a father of twins.” The man says, “That’s crazy, because I work for the Minnesota Twins.” The nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations, you’re the father of triplets.” The man says, “That’s also crazy, I work for the 3M Company.” The nurse tells the third guy, “Congratulations, you’re the father of quadruplets.” The man says, “That’s also crazy, I work for the four seasons hotel.” The last man is freaking out and banging his head against the wall. The nurse asks him, “What’s wrong? Trying to get a headache?” He replies, “No, I’m doomed! I work for 7UP.”

#oldbutgold
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I was fired from the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

#wordplay
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How much coke can Charlie Sheen do?
Enough to kill two & a half men.

#oldbutgold
@Sickipedia

I bumped into Arnold Schwarzenegger the other day. Since I know he's into computer stuff, I asked him if he was planning on upgrading to Windows 11.
“No,” he replied, “I still love Vista, baby!”

#wordplay
@Sickipedia

"9-1-1, what is your emergency?"
"Help! I was hunting in the woods with my friend, and he suddenly dropped dead for no reason! Oh my God, I'm freaking out!!"

"Calm down, sir, we'll get you through this. The first thing we need to do is make sure that your friend really is dead."

"All right, hold on a second."

BLAM!

"Okay, now what?"

#oldbutgold
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