Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies.

Is that a trick question??

#illness

"How's your new Thai girlfriend, Dave?"

"How do you know her name?"

#sexandshit

Nothing beats waking up to a blow job.

Unless you've been in a coma, and your nurse's name is Steve.

#sexandshit

A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty bucks," she says.
He's never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."
"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face.

#sexandshit

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."
"10 kilograms you say?"
"Yeah, 5 kilograms."

#crime

Three logicians walk into a bar.
The bartender asks: "Do you all want a drink?"
The first logician says: "I don't know."
The second logician says: "I don't know."
The third logician says: "Yes."

#other

I was in the park today when a woman came up to me and said, "Are you taking photos of my daughter on your iPhone?"

"Yes I'm taking photos of her," I replied, "But it's not what you think."

"So what is it then?" she asked.

I said, "A Samsung Galaxy."

#sexandshit

What's the difference between everybody and bullets?

Everybody misses Harambe.

#news

What's a feminists favorite music festival?

Burning Man.

#sexism

They say teenage girls are the worst for cruel insults.

After hearing "Let me out of this basement you fat ugly paedo" I wouldn't disagree.

#sexandshit

My new French girlfriend hates it when I pull her hair during sex.

She says it makes her armpits sore for days.

#sexandshit

Girls are like blackjack…

I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.

#sexandshit

Why did God create women?

Because hopes and dreams won't crush themselves.

#sexism

Nelson Mandela has been described in South Africa as 'The Father Of Our Nation'.

And like most black fathers, he wasn't around for a good twenty years.

#racism

I'm not a marketing expert.

But, if I was selling milk, the cartons would be tit shaped.

#other

Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute?

Just ask your girlfriend if she's gained weight.

#other

What's the difference between a bomb vest and a feminist?

A bomb vest does something when it's triggered.

#sexism

What's the difference between jesus and a hooker?

The noises they make as you're nailing them.

#religion

Interviewer: What's your greatest strength?
Potential employee: Shape shifting.
Interviewer: Really?
Interviewer: Yes.
Interviewer: Shit.

#other

There are two kinds of people in the world:

Those that can extrapolate from missing information.

#other

A boy says to his dad, "Why do they say gardeners have got green fingers when their fingers aren't green?"

His dad replies, "It's just a saying, son. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught 'red-handed', even though their hands are actually black."

#racism