Last-minute gift ideas: Play golf on Mother's Day so she gets 5 hours of quality time with the kids. Or put the kids alone in a room with unlimited glue and glitter to make her a sweet card. You can't go wrong with these tips.

https://bit.ly/3nX989g

"What are we supposed to do with these drinks?" the woman asked.

"I don't know," said the grinning man. "We're so stupid. Let's throw them away."

Imagine if Roger Federer transitioned to Regina.

https://twitter.com/ClayTravis/status/1390368612687519744?s=20

Now that’s a real gentleman. #consentmatters

If only her family were as privileged as even the poorest of white folks. Shame on America for oppressing these people.

https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1391035425943429124?s=20

Women regret having abortions more than they regret keeping and caring for their babies. If you want less trauma—both physical and emotional—you'll fight to end abortion.

You make motherhood look so easy, even though it’s nearly as hard as my job. We’d be grimy, gross and late for everything if it weren’t for you. So please enjoy those flowers I picked up from Chevron earlier. Tend to them the way you tend to us. Admire them the way we admire you.

Nobody in Nashville recognizes us. To be fair, though, nobody recognizes us anywhere. We just happen to be going unrecognized in Nashville today.

https://twitter.com/The_Kyle_Mann/status/1392195628407697410?s=20

And they assure us they're just getting started.

https://www.foxnews.com/politics/biden-israel-mexican-border-colonial-pipeline

I’m not a racist. I have a black friend. @RealCandaceO

"We must always comply with CDC guidelines unless and until they become less restrictive." — Libs

She’s not going to like how much this costs.

Visit the link below to buy this shirt and drive the libs crazy. Several colors and sizes available. Proceeds go directly to my checking account (the good one that my wife can't access).

https://linktr.ee/beechief

This obese teacher is berating a vaccinated kid for putting her life in danger. Do you think she talks like this to her Big Macs or ice cream? Or the treadmill she doesn’t use? Doubtful.

https://video.twimg.com/ext_tw_video/1393273772535427072/pu/vid/828x596/Bwt8aVPbq8Qa-QMG.mp4?tag=12

Since the invention of the PragerU video, there have only been five that were rated the most perfect, the most pure. This one left them all behind.

https://twitter.com/thebabylonbee/status/1393661131982573569?s=21

Maybe the bike riders wearing masks instead of helmets have already fallen and landed on their heads and I missed it.

Consider placing your son in the care of someone sane who will neither deny him the freedom to live as a child should nor infect him with your paralyzing, irrational fears.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2021/05/14/covid-child-isnt-vaccinated-back-to-school/5090822001/

Or buy the “I identify as vaccinated” shirt at the link below.

https://linktr.ee/beechief

Twitter can suspend every person who speaks the truth, but that won't change the truth. Men cannot give birth. And they cannot become women, either. Treating biology as if it's bigotry is anti-truth, anti-science, and anti-speech. It's as far from "progress" as you can get.

https://twitter.com/FoxBusiness/status/1394076470130221058?s=20

I never gave up my life.

I did give up Diet Coke recently. For two days.