Dear saturn,
my hands are trembling, my whole body is frozen and internally im screaming "help" but idk whom to approach for help. i want to end my life just right now, but i cant to that, that would not be right. idk what the fuck is this feeling rn, i want to cry, cry a lot. i want to run away, from everyone and never face them again. i would prefer to die than facing this feeling over and over again. no one would understand, nobody. i dont want to face it alone, please. i want to hide, forever, and never return. my heart is very heavy, my chest is shrinking and it aches. i would have cut myself open by now, i'd have sliced my wrist with my pen or the blade by now but i dont want to do that, that'd be of no help. i cant do that, please don't let me do that. i am trying to think rationally. i need help. please help me saturn, please.
my hands are trembling, my whole body is frozen and internally im screaming "help" but idk whom to approach for help. i want to end my life just right now, but i cant to that, that would not be right. idk what the fuck is this feeling rn, i want to cry, cry a lot. i want to run away, from everyone and never face them again. i would prefer to die than facing this feeling over and over again. no one would understand, nobody. i dont want to face it alone, please. i want to hide, forever, and never return. my heart is very heavy, my chest is shrinking and it aches. i would have cut myself open by now, i'd have sliced my wrist with my pen or the blade by now but i dont want to do that, that'd be of no help. i cant do that, please don't let me do that. i am trying to think rationally. i need help. please help me saturn, please.
Ab teri shikayat kis se karien
Har shakhs ko kaha tha tujhse behtar koi nahi
Har shakhs ko kaha tha tujhse behtar koi nahi
Dear Saturn,
You wrote poems for me. I used to think it was just because you loved writing poetry, and mentioning me was as common as anything.
Today, I tried writing a poem about you. I spent hours with a piece of paper, thinking of you, recalling every little moment we spent together, every detail of your eyes and lips, and the emotions I felt when we were together. As I wrote about how much I love you and how my heart shrinks in your absence, I was overwhelmed and excited to show it to you, until i realised
how you wrote those poems for me, and how I didn’t even bother to read them, my excitement vanished away. I never realized how deeply in love you were with me, or how much effort it took to turn your emotions into poetry, until I tried it myself.
I’m sorry, my love. Come back. I wrote a poem for you
You wrote poems for me. I used to think it was just because you loved writing poetry, and mentioning me was as common as anything.
Today, I tried writing a poem about you. I spent hours with a piece of paper, thinking of you, recalling every little moment we spent together, every detail of your eyes and lips, and the emotions I felt when we were together. As I wrote about how much I love you and how my heart shrinks in your absence, I was overwhelmed and excited to show it to you, until i realised
how you wrote those poems for me, and how I didn’t even bother to read them, my excitement vanished away. I never realized how deeply in love you were with me, or how much effort it took to turn your emotions into poetry, until I tried it myself.
I’m sorry, my love. Come back. I wrote a poem for you
I'll paint your canvas in shades of my own blood as long as you kiss the gashes away
i learned clash of clans and codm just because he used to play them.
this motherfucker is now playing with my life.
this motherfucker is now playing with my life.
Dear Saturn,
My heart breaks every time I see him, yet I still wish to cross paths with him whenever I leave the house. My wardrobe is filled with dresses in his favorite color because he once complimented me when I wore that color long ago. I watched his favorite series, started watching cricket because he is a huge fan, and learned all the songs by his favorite singer. I even learned his native language. It's funny how my attendance became regular suddenly, hoping to see him in the classroom.
He didn't wish me on my birthday, so I hesitated to wish him on his. But alas, people in love are fools. I wished him anyway.
"Don't be this nice to me. I haven't done anything for you to be this egoless," he said.
How do I tell him that my ego can never come before him? How do I tell him that if he decides to come back to me, I'll still welcome him with open arms? How do I tell him that I hope our paths cross every time I leave my house?
My heart breaks every time I see him, yet I still wish to cross paths with him whenever I leave the house. My wardrobe is filled with dresses in his favorite color because he once complimented me when I wore that color long ago. I watched his favorite series, started watching cricket because he is a huge fan, and learned all the songs by his favorite singer. I even learned his native language. It's funny how my attendance became regular suddenly, hoping to see him in the classroom.
He didn't wish me on my birthday, so I hesitated to wish him on his. But alas, people in love are fools. I wished him anyway.
"Don't be this nice to me. I haven't done anything for you to be this egoless," he said.
How do I tell him that my ego can never come before him? How do I tell him that if he decides to come back to me, I'll still welcome him with open arms? How do I tell him that I hope our paths cross every time I leave my house?
Just say it so I don't have look back anymore and drown in my own grief. Just say it so I do not feel dead and draught. Just say it so I know it was always me who kept loving and loving. But even if you say it, how can I forget all those nights you curled up beside me and lay yourself vulnerable? How can I forget all those words you whispered into my ear the night we never slept. How? How can I believe you saying it to my face? How can I unlove you? Is it even possible?
waise toh khushnaseeb bohot hu mai, tumse roz jo milna hota hai,
badnaseebi toh ye hai ki kambakht aakhein khul jaati hai
badnaseebi toh ye hai ki kambakht aakhein khul jaati hai