Maybe it's the part of me that most people hate. Or maybe it's simply the part of me they don't know how to deal with.

What if, for once, I said,

"No, I'm not good."

What if I said I'm feeling terrible? So terrible that my own thoughts are driving me crazy. So terrible that sometimes it feels like I can't even breathe.

And what if your answer was simply,

"Go see a doctor."

But guess what?

I'm not talking about a health problem.

I'm talking about something coming from the inside.

And somehow, those words feel so cold. So dry. So distant from what I'm actually trying to say that sometimes they make me laugh out of frustration.

Because what am I supposed to do with an answer like that?

How do I explain something I don't even know how to name?

Feeling good all the time is impossible.

It isn't real.

And if you've seen me laughing, talking, being calm, or acting like everything is okay, that doesn't mean that's all of me.

You see them laughing. You see them going out. You see them answering your messages. You see them living their lives.

And you assume you know them.

But maybe you only know the version of them they know how to show.

I am none of them.

I am not one feeling.

I can feel good and bad at the same time.