Forwarded from Sickipedia
A disturbing but true story about me
When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.
When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, and I probably would have watched it even more. But I had to leave home because my aunt and uncle were in trouble with the law.
It turned out that my sister was also in trouble with the law and was actually in custody. So my friend and I went to pick her up. When we did, I noticed that she was even more gorgeous in person than in the video, and my friend agreed with me.
After that, we crashed with my sister's friends. By then, pretty much everyone we knew was wanted by the government, so we moved around a lot. My friend is way better looking than I am and he has a really awesome car, so I started to sort of see him as competition.
Around that time, I was seriously injured. While I was in recovery, my sister gave me a big, passionate kiss on the lips.
After that, we went our separate ways. I was becoming extremely religious, so I never thought much of her. But then I saw her for the first time in about a year, and she was wearing a bikini. All my old feelings came back.
But it didn't matter because, soon after that, she hooked up with my friend that I mentioned earlier.
A few days later, the three of us were at a party. While my friend stayed inside, my sister and I went outside. It was very intimate, and it seemed like something was going to happen.
But I killed the mood by telling her that Darth Vader was our father and I had to fight him.
#other
When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.
When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, and I probably would have watched it even more. But I had to leave home because my aunt and uncle were in trouble with the law.
It turned out that my sister was also in trouble with the law and was actually in custody. So my friend and I went to pick her up. When we did, I noticed that she was even more gorgeous in person than in the video, and my friend agreed with me.
After that, we crashed with my sister's friends. By then, pretty much everyone we knew was wanted by the government, so we moved around a lot. My friend is way better looking than I am and he has a really awesome car, so I started to sort of see him as competition.
Around that time, I was seriously injured. While I was in recovery, my sister gave me a big, passionate kiss on the lips.
After that, we went our separate ways. I was becoming extremely religious, so I never thought much of her. But then I saw her for the first time in about a year, and she was wearing a bikini. All my old feelings came back.
But it didn't matter because, soon after that, she hooked up with my friend that I mentioned earlier.
A few days later, the three of us were at a party. While my friend stayed inside, my sister and I went outside. It was very intimate, and it seemed like something was going to happen.
But I killed the mood by telling her that Darth Vader was our father and I had to fight him.
#other
Forwarded from Паша
В сексе с мертвыми труднее всего понять, кто из вас более гнилой человек.
Forwarded from Игорь, начинайте работу
А тем временем Главный Инженер производства третий месяц бьется головой о стенку в ожидании супер-пупер специалиста, ибо многомиллионный заказ взят в работу, срок идет, а выполнять некому. Но ХР изо дня в день говорит: "Подходящий специалист не найден"
Forwarded from r/ретранслятор
Епископ, влюбившийся в писательницу сатанинских эротических романов, ушёл из церкви и занялся искусственным оплодотворением свиней
Тут можно было и закончить на заголовке, но мы продолжим.
52-летний Ксавье Новелл раньше был испанским епископом, который, к слову, даже занимался экзорцизмом. Его желание изучать демонологию, по-видимому, привело к встрече и любви с Сильвией Кабальол – писательнице эротических романов на сатанинскую тематику.
Епископ лишился своего сана, а также снял обет безбрачия и окончательно отвернулся от церкви, чтобы продолжить жизнь с возлюбленной.
Коллеги по церкви сообщили испанским СМИ, что, по их мнению, Ксавье теперь сам одержим демонами.
После этого мужчина пошёл по совершенно иному карьерному пути. Он нашёл работу в организации Semen Cardona, которая специализируется на искусственном оплодотворении свиней в Испании и за рубежом. Теперь Ксавье в прямом смысле мастурбирует свиньям, чтобы добывать их сперму.
Как говорится, пути Господни неисповедимы
r/#nottheonion
Тут можно было и закончить на заголовке, но мы продолжим.
52-летний Ксавье Новелл раньше был испанским епископом, который, к слову, даже занимался экзорцизмом. Его желание изучать демонологию, по-видимому, привело к встрече и любви с Сильвией Кабальол – писательнице эротических романов на сатанинскую тематику.
Епископ лишился своего сана, а также снял обет безбрачия и окончательно отвернулся от церкви, чтобы продолжить жизнь с возлюбленной.
Коллеги по церкви сообщили испанским СМИ, что, по их мнению, Ксавье теперь сам одержим демонами.
После этого мужчина пошёл по совершенно иному карьерному пути. Он нашёл работу в организации Semen Cardona, которая специализируется на искусственном оплодотворении свиней в Испании и за рубежом. Теперь Ксавье в прямом смысле мастурбирует свиньям, чтобы добывать их сперму.
Как говорится, пути Господни неисповедимы
r/#nottheonion