well well well
Male-male intimacy in early America
by William Benemann

زندگی کردن برای من وابسته به میزان غیرقابل تحملی از احساسات افسارگسیخته است. در تلاطم افکار برگرفته از این حس گنگ وهم‌آلود که گویا تجسم خوابی دفن شده است زندگی می‌کنم. حقیقت این است که بگویم به زندگی کردن رویایی کابوس‌وار تن می دهم. دلیلی برای رهایی از آن نمی‌یابم، هزاران دلیل مرا به مرگ و دیوانگی محکوم می‌کنند و حتی کورسوی باریکی از نور نیست که بتواند دلیلی برای نجات من بجوید. البته نور مشبه اشتباهی است، همه چیز را با چنان وضوحی می‌بینم که این حجم از صداقت خفه‌ام می‌کند. کمی تاریکی احمقانه می‌تواند نجات‌بخش باشد ولی نمی‌توانم همچین ظلمی در حق خودم انجام دهم. تار‌های احساسی غیرقابل تحمل در این میان تنیده می‌شوند و کم‌کم خفه‌ام می‌کند. گاهی همه یک خوشبینی منتهی به مرگ جایگزین این تار‌ها می‌شود. طعم مرگ را روی زبانم احساس می‌کنم و سرما را درون استخوان‌هایم‌. ضربان قلبم کمی نظم‌ و ترتیب خود را از دست می‌دهند. سپس احساسات در درون خود فریاد می‌کشند. طعم آن را به شیوه‌ای می‌چشم انگار که هزاران سال زندگی کرده‌ام. یک گفت‌وگوی درونی پرتلاطم افکارم را بر روی امواج شناور می‌کند، محفوظ در قفسه‌ای ذهنی. مرگی بر اثر امواج در درون محفظه و نقشه بسته بر تجسم زندگی در بیرون.

If sorrow was a song:

@o2alternative

and what a marvellous symphony that would be...

This song reminded me of a childhood memory. It made my body so fucking hot and it made breathing even harder. My muscles are contracted and I can barely move any of my body parts but my fingers which are typing this. It's just vividly obvious, right in front of my eyes and the tension is even becoming more as I'm writing this. The song is about to reach its end now and I feel that 7 year old me inside, experiencing that shit again, is trying to be 20 again, to have this scene as a faded old memory at the back of the brain, not a vivid image right in front of her eyes.
The song is finally over.

Find yourself someone who treats you the way lee know treats his cats

my fav guitar chords, part 8
SURL - The Lights Behind You
#fgc

Do you have Eurydice in your room? Cause my inner Orpheus needs to be there😔

Aw, that's the most poetic way I heard anyone say they like my books :* 🖤
* cries softly *

Yeah it's actually the most poetic way I've flirte- I mean I said how much I like someone's books =)

they also need to survive living in iran
But teenagers have no reason to be stressed right?

Even in the last seconds he was still dubious whether he was doing the right thing or not. Was this what he wanted? Was hurting the other one going to please him? He did not know the answer, he did not have enough time to come up with a satisfying answer to help him get rid of the thoughts clinging from his brain. While he was trying to get rid of those thoughts by putting his foot on their hands which were clinging from his brain, he had to move his own feet instead and run as fast as he could just to avoid facing him, just to avoid letting his heart pound while he was close to the other one. They were both confused, running without their own will. The other one was running just to get rid of this distance between them, he did not know what awaited him, he did not know where he was being taken to, Binnie was blinded by Felix as if he was Ash in the last scene of Banana Fish.