My underwear were stolen again. I’m so tired.
I work in a very male dominated industry. While my specific job role is nearly 50/50 in my country, the type of industry that I am currently based in is on average 90% male.
Part of life in this industry is staying several hundred kilometres away from home at work camps. These are not usually bad places! Lots of blokes, lots of alcohol, and lots of noise, but not a bad place to be.
Despite the high ratio of men to women, I’ve felt safe at these camps for the most part. The men are often very paternalistic (I’m 26) and sometimes a bit infantilising, but rarely (openly) misogynistic.
Until this camp. Until this month.
I moved to this new camp about a month ago. The first week, I did a load of washing in the shared camp laundry facilities. I was pretty sure that I was missing a few pairs of underwear after washing them - I didn’t exactly count, but I remembered putting a few pairs of my favourite, comfiest undies into my lingerie bag.
That’s what made me realise they were missing. They’re my favourite cut, colour, brand, fabric, everything! I wanted to wear them the next morning.
But they were gone - all of them. And there was nothing I could do but assume I had misplaced them. I gaslighted myself into thinking I was just silly, and my lingerie bag had been open a smidge when I got it out of the dryer so they must’ve just fallen out, right? Or maybe I never put them in at all!
Until tonight. I’ve counted how many pairs I put in each laundry load since then.
Tonight I put in four pairs - 3 of my favourites (black), 1 other pair (nude).
And when I opened the lingerie bag, the three black pairs were gone, the nude pair still there.
I raised it with management again. I’ve spoken to friends about it. I’ve spoken to men in the camp, as a way of getting it out that it is being noticed.
And so many people give me variations of the same response.
“Haha, some creepy old man is probably jerking off with them”
“That’s what happens when you’re a young girl in a camp with 50 year old men!”
“Maybe you should’ve stayed in the laundry until it was done so no pervy bloke could get in there”
“Some guy probably thinks it’s his lucky day to have you staying in the same camp”
“Better your undies than a knock at your door!”
“This happens to girls in industry, sorry!”
I know it’s not the same as “boys will be boys”. But it feels like it.
“Men are gross, men are animals, men can’t help themselves”
Firstly, give men a little more credit, and hold them to higher standards?
Second, why should I be grateful to be stolen from? Because I wasn’t raped? Great.
Thirdly, if this is to be expected within the industry, maybe the industry is the problem, and not 3 pairs of women’s knickers?
I know this is such a first world problem, and I know I really shouldn’t be bothered by it. But I honestly feel kind of gross.
This post is less about the theft itself - yeah, shit happens, pervs are everywhere.
It’s more venting about the responses I’ve gotten, from men AND women.
EDIT: big thanks to those people who have messaged me in support and with advice, and to all those commenting the same.
And a big round of applause for those messaging to tell me I’m ugly and fat and who would want to steal my undies. Good one 🫡 very brave, very original.
www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/xgi7lq/my_underwear_were_stolen_again_im_so_tired/ source
I work in a very male dominated industry. While my specific job role is nearly 50/50 in my country, the type of industry that I am currently based in is on average 90% male.
Part of life in this industry is staying several hundred kilometres away from home at work camps. These are not usually bad places! Lots of blokes, lots of alcohol, and lots of noise, but not a bad place to be.
Despite the high ratio of men to women, I’ve felt safe at these camps for the most part. The men are often very paternalistic (I’m 26) and sometimes a bit infantilising, but rarely (openly) misogynistic.
Until this camp. Until this month.
I moved to this new camp about a month ago. The first week, I did a load of washing in the shared camp laundry facilities. I was pretty sure that I was missing a few pairs of underwear after washing them - I didn’t exactly count, but I remembered putting a few pairs of my favourite, comfiest undies into my lingerie bag.
That’s what made me realise they were missing. They’re my favourite cut, colour, brand, fabric, everything! I wanted to wear them the next morning.
But they were gone - all of them. And there was nothing I could do but assume I had misplaced them. I gaslighted myself into thinking I was just silly, and my lingerie bag had been open a smidge when I got it out of the dryer so they must’ve just fallen out, right? Or maybe I never put them in at all!
Until tonight. I’ve counted how many pairs I put in each laundry load since then.
Tonight I put in four pairs - 3 of my favourites (black), 1 other pair (nude).
And when I opened the lingerie bag, the three black pairs were gone, the nude pair still there.
I raised it with management again. I’ve spoken to friends about it. I’ve spoken to men in the camp, as a way of getting it out that it is being noticed.
And so many people give me variations of the same response.
“Haha, some creepy old man is probably jerking off with them”
“That’s what happens when you’re a young girl in a camp with 50 year old men!”
“Maybe you should’ve stayed in the laundry until it was done so no pervy bloke could get in there”
“Some guy probably thinks it’s his lucky day to have you staying in the same camp”
“Better your undies than a knock at your door!”
“This happens to girls in industry, sorry!”
I know it’s not the same as “boys will be boys”. But it feels like it.
“Men are gross, men are animals, men can’t help themselves”
Firstly, give men a little more credit, and hold them to higher standards?
Second, why should I be grateful to be stolen from? Because I wasn’t raped? Great.
Thirdly, if this is to be expected within the industry, maybe the industry is the problem, and not 3 pairs of women’s knickers?
I know this is such a first world problem, and I know I really shouldn’t be bothered by it. But I honestly feel kind of gross.
This post is less about the theft itself - yeah, shit happens, pervs are everywhere.
It’s more venting about the responses I’ve gotten, from men AND women.
EDIT: big thanks to those people who have messaged me in support and with advice, and to all those commenting the same.
And a big round of applause for those messaging to tell me I’m ugly and fat and who would want to steal my undies. Good one 🫡 very brave, very original.
www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/xgi7lq/my_underwear_were_stolen_again_im_so_tired/ source
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Stop calling women rude for not giving someone a chance.
Yes, I understand he's your friend. Yes, I know he might actually be one of the good ones. Great ones even. I know you want the best for both of us. But for FUCK'S SAKE, stop. Stop accusing ne of being rude, stop saying I'm being unfair and, most of all, stop telling me I will end up miserable and alone.
NOONE owes anyone a chance. Noone. We don't owe you an explanation either. I say I'm not interested in dating, that's that. My business. I know what I want and need and I know what's best for me. I know ME, because you know ... It's me.
It's not even just guys doing it. It's women too.
Just stop.
www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/xgoop3/stop_calling_women_rude_for_not_giving_someone_a/ source
Yes, I understand he's your friend. Yes, I know he might actually be one of the good ones. Great ones even. I know you want the best for both of us. But for FUCK'S SAKE, stop. Stop accusing ne of being rude, stop saying I'm being unfair and, most of all, stop telling me I will end up miserable and alone.
NOONE owes anyone a chance. Noone. We don't owe you an explanation either. I say I'm not interested in dating, that's that. My business. I know what I want and need and I know what's best for me. I know ME, because you know ... It's me.
It's not even just guys doing it. It's women too.
Just stop.
www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/xgoop3/stop_calling_women_rude_for_not_giving_someone_a/ source
reddit
Stop calling women rude for not giving someone a chance.
Yes, I understand he's your friend. Yes, I know he might actually be one of the good ones. Great ones even. I know you want the best for both of...
Do we remember the Indiana prison scandal where the guard sold access to abusing the imprisoned women? His trial starts in TWO DAYS. Be vigilant, we can't let this get swept under the rug.
www.google.com/amp/s/www.wave3.com/2022/06/28/ex-jail-officer-charged-with-selling-jail-keys-female-inmates-sue-alleging-sexual-assault-by-male-inmates/%3foutputType=amp source
www.google.com/amp/s/www.wave3.com/2022/06/28/ex-jail-officer-charged-with-selling-jail-keys-female-inmates-sue-alleging-sexual-assault-by-male-inmates/%3foutputType=amp source
“An unconscious person cannot consent to sex” should not be a controversial statement
And yet I have numerous men vociferously arguing the toss, on a post which contains accounts from two women of being raped in their sleep by the same man.
Apparently this is because so many women consent to sex with their partner while they’re asleep, at any future point. I am well aware there are women who do this, I’ve had plenty of discussions online and in real life about this issue with women.
I pointed out that there’s a vast difference between waking up to someone initiating sex if you’ve agreed to that, rather than waking up to someone literally penetrating you with nothing preceding it, since vaginas don’t just exist in a state where you can insert your penis and have it be enjoyable.
The absolute bullshit I’ve seen tumbled out:
- lots of women enjoy going straight to penetration - they just want to be penetrated and ejaculated in (I would say as fetishes go, that’s a pretty rare one given how vaginas work, but apparently I only know how my own vagina works)
- one guy who keeps talking about “sleep creep” porn and how he’s been with loads of women who want that - again I pointed out that even if you do want that, you can still be woken up by sexual touch rather than the first act being penetrated (he also seemed to think that women could be penetrated and not wake up - thanks, porn)
- Mentioning fetishes like CNC (that’s consensual, that’s the point) or “playing dead” (that person is not unconscious)
How are we still at the point where men can argue so aggressively that there are so many caveats to “an unconscious person can’t consent to sex”?
ETA Thanks for the inevitable RedditCares message, truly - I really enjoy reporting the people who send them and having their accounts suspended!
www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/xi5vi5/an_unconscious_person_cannot_consent_to_sex/ source
And yet I have numerous men vociferously arguing the toss, on a post which contains accounts from two women of being raped in their sleep by the same man.
Apparently this is because so many women consent to sex with their partner while they’re asleep, at any future point. I am well aware there are women who do this, I’ve had plenty of discussions online and in real life about this issue with women.
I pointed out that there’s a vast difference between waking up to someone initiating sex if you’ve agreed to that, rather than waking up to someone literally penetrating you with nothing preceding it, since vaginas don’t just exist in a state where you can insert your penis and have it be enjoyable.
The absolute bullshit I’ve seen tumbled out:
- lots of women enjoy going straight to penetration - they just want to be penetrated and ejaculated in (I would say as fetishes go, that’s a pretty rare one given how vaginas work, but apparently I only know how my own vagina works)
- one guy who keeps talking about “sleep creep” porn and how he’s been with loads of women who want that - again I pointed out that even if you do want that, you can still be woken up by sexual touch rather than the first act being penetrated (he also seemed to think that women could be penetrated and not wake up - thanks, porn)
- Mentioning fetishes like CNC (that’s consensual, that’s the point) or “playing dead” (that person is not unconscious)
How are we still at the point where men can argue so aggressively that there are so many caveats to “an unconscious person can’t consent to sex”?
ETA Thanks for the inevitable RedditCares message, truly - I really enjoy reporting the people who send them and having their accounts suspended!
www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/xi5vi5/an_unconscious_person_cannot_consent_to_sex/ source
reddit
“An unconscious person cannot consent to sex” should not be a...
And yet I have numerous men vociferously arguing the toss, on a post which contains accounts from two women of being raped in their sleep by the...
#1 leader of Southern Baptists: Christians who don't vote Republican are "unfaithful." Hey IRS: Do your job and revoke their tax exempt status for violating the Johnson Amendment of 1954.
julieroys.com/al-mohler-suggests-christians-dont-vote-republicans-unfaithful/ source
julieroys.com/al-mohler-suggests-christians-dont-vote-republicans-unfaithful/ source
The Roys Report
Al Mohler Suggests Christians Who Don’t Vote Republican Are ‘Unfaithful’
Al Mohler, president of Southern Seminary & a staunch Republican, sparked backlash by saying Christians are unfaithful if they “vote wrongly”
I’m sure they didn’t mean “no pants & no people time,” but thems the facts. source
Took the advice I saw on LifeProTips and got Plan B at Costco for $5.99 with no membership! Such a relief, I'm telling everyone I know to spread the word! I'm gonna spend the $44 I saved on an early birthday present 😈 source