*me trying to workout my abs*

my neck: hey hey dont worry i got this

Emily taking two steps onto the street:
a random French man climbing out of a window: I must have sex with you!
yeah i love this shit

it would've been so much better if Emily was bi everyone can agree on that, right?

i mean all the time i was like emily, please listen to mindy and go flirt with camille!!!

change does not come from a place of comfort

every single tiktok is too long. if you think im w8ing more than 7 seconds for a punchline, youre out of your mind, ine destroyed the part of my brain that could do that.

I want to gently place a pretty flower in her hair and softly kiss her forehead

“Ugh, you’re so adorable. I want to be friends with you,” I whisper as I like your posts and never speak to you.

relationships should be 50/50. you feed me oysters, and i pay for your cancer treatment in mexico with my blood money.

me * buys a drug for the pet*
the drug: suitable for stressed birds
me: dont mind if i do...

Almost all our money goes into buying dopamine in some way or another.