I need to have a physical copy of female masculinity by Jack halberstam to slap people spouting essentialist bullshit with
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Things I witnessed today that reminded me sometimes itβs good to stay alive:
One. A kid and his mother, ten minutes before I open. They try to come in, I ask βno, sorry, can you wait a couple of minutes?β They wait. I open shop. I hear the kid say: mom can I go alone? Alone? She ask, amused. She says yes. He comes inside, grabs an issue of dragonball, the colored version, alone. He comes at the counter. He says: I finished the last one in ONE DAY. He pays. He smiles for the whole time.
Two. Itβs four in the afternoon. Itβs hot. I have to carry the new shipment inside the shop. Itβs hot. Itβs hot. I trod box after box from my car to the shop, tired, sweating, the day has been horrible so far. I cross a woman with a trolley. Trailing after her, a kid, nose buried in one issue of one piece, our bag dangling from his hand. I smile.
One. A kid and his mother, ten minutes before I open. They try to come in, I ask βno, sorry, can you wait a couple of minutes?β They wait. I open shop. I hear the kid say: mom can I go alone? Alone? She ask, amused. She says yes. He comes inside, grabs an issue of dragonball, the colored version, alone. He comes at the counter. He says: I finished the last one in ONE DAY. He pays. He smiles for the whole time.
Two. Itβs four in the afternoon. Itβs hot. I have to carry the new shipment inside the shop. Itβs hot. Itβs hot. I trod box after box from my car to the shop, tired, sweating, the day has been horrible so far. I cross a woman with a trolley. Trailing after her, a kid, nose buried in one issue of one piece, our bag dangling from his hand. I smile.
π₯°39
Also, a new experience.
Iβve been taking methylphenidate for three weeks now. Yesterday I got home, had dinner, wrote for a bit. Took a look at the state the kitchen was in. Tidied it up.
I did not want to. I really did not want to. But I did it anyway and it was not like trying to climb glass with my bare fingers, it was⦠manageable. It was almost neutral. I even went out to take the trash AFTER I sat down on the couch. I EVEN PAID A FINE.
I keep double doubting myself. It did not feel special, I just did it, so maybe it wasnβt real? Maybe it was just one good day? Is this how functioning works? You just do things?
Iβve been taking methylphenidate for three weeks now. Yesterday I got home, had dinner, wrote for a bit. Took a look at the state the kitchen was in. Tidied it up.
I did not want to. I really did not want to. But I did it anyway and it was not like trying to climb glass with my bare fingers, it was⦠manageable. It was almost neutral. I even went out to take the trash AFTER I sat down on the couch. I EVEN PAID A FINE.
I keep double doubting myself. It did not feel special, I just did it, so maybe it wasnβt real? Maybe it was just one good day? Is this how functioning works? You just do things?
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