Those who snore always fall asleep first...

#facts
@wild_pps

Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do...

@wild_pps

You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar...

@wild_pps

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.

#BernardBailey
@wild_pps

Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon...

Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap...

@wild_pps

Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge.

What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light?
🤦🏽‍♂ Don't look, I'm changing...

@wild_pps

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
😁 Where is the pop corn?

@wild_pps

Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up...

@wild_pps

When you're thinking that I'm thinking of you, I'm thinking you're thinking of me...

@wild_pps

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...🤨🤨

@wild_pps

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'

@wild_pps