I beg time to be nicer to me and all she does is laughing a mocking tune as she hides her cunning teeth behind her hand.

My heart doesn't know what to follow, so I reach for my father's gentle hand

When the sun comes again
will i still be so cold?
When do I get taught
how to not burn through every sweater I own?

Ps-cold shower slays ✨️

when kafka wrote "i cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me" and clarice lispector "and it's inside myself that i must create someone who will understand" and sylvia plath "can you understand me a little, love me a little?"

"mother?"

I call for her until my throat is scratched and dry, my voice is reduced to a pathetic rasp, and all i taste is the blood she regrets giving me.

“I love you” until you find me rocking back and forth sobbing with my arms hugging myself in an attempt to comfort myself

"How do you process grief?" By running from it until it finds me in the middle of a sunny street on a beautiful day or in silent night where I'm buried in blankets

Hate having a physical form bro
i want to transcend time and space

pov you're my sister/brother and i randomly wake you up and throw a concert in your room

I'm just a complex organism

Ferdinand van Kessel — The Dance of the Rats
c. 1690

lol im starting to feel like my brain was not made for experiencing a huge variety of new experiences/know a lot of people. it was designed to rot in a dark corner and hang out with the same 3 people and consume the same 3 media forms. whenever i use it to do new things it heats up like an old computer and start making weird noises and stop working properly.
this brain is NOT DOING ITS JOB I WANT A REFUND.

.

I'm not the one that stays. I'm not the one that builds. I don't know how to not forsake, not corrupt, not deteriorate. From the beginning of everything, I fancy its finis. I have a reputation for ruinate and close. I'm always the one that got away. It's not something I want, it's something I do. As Sherman Alexie once said: ”I think I was born with a suitcase“.