If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. 

Shakespeare
The Merchant of Venice
Act 3 Scene 1

— beautiful boy, 2018,

Lies

Well, folks, I have some disturbing news. According to the latest research—which, admittedly, I just made up—if you shed even a single tear during a cartoon film, you're basically a walking medical emergency.

I'm not talking about a sniffle during the emotionally manipulative opening scene of a Pixar movie where the puppy dies (we've all been there). I'm talking about full-on, sob-fest, Niagara Falls-level waterworks during, say, a particularly poignant episode of SpongeBob SquarePants.

Apparently, crying at cartoons is a telltale sign of a rare and highly contagious condition called 'Existential Cartoondria.'

So, if you find yourself tearing up during the next episode of Adventure Time, don't panic. Just seek help immediately. And for the love of all that is holy, stay away from YouTube conspiracy theories. And go into deep shit philosophy and base your life on it

No, the meme doesn't have a coded universal message. Only the cat memes do

and remember kids! the next time that somebody tells you "the government wouldn’t do that!", oh yes they would.

"you know, this place makes me wonder, which would be worse? to love as a monster or to die as a good man?"

in dire need of a sweet treat and a yap session

going through a type of misery that is only portrayed in russian literature

my mom trying to keep up w her random fact child

"one morning this sadness will fossilize and i will forget how to cry" i doubt it but whatever you say

What does it even mean to 'be you'? Is it a fixed essence, an unchanging soul that resides within, or is it a fluid, ever-shifting construct, shaped by our experiences, our relationships, and our interactions with the world?

If 'you' are a collection of memories, habits, and personality traits, then what happens when those things change? Does 'you' cease to exist? And if so, at what point does the transformation become so profound that you are no longer recognizable to those who know you best?

Not even Bob the builder can fix my sleeping pattern 🤦‍♂

I'm getting to that old people stage where they say everything was better when they were young and these new stuff suck.

So, you decided to 'treat yourself' today? How lovely. Did you, by any chance, treat yourself to a slightly healthier coping mechanism, or did you go straight for the emotional equivalent of mainlining a triple-chocolate fudge sundae? Because, let's be honest, we all know which one it was. Oh, and please tell me all about the 'self-care' that involved spending three hours scrolling through Instagram and comparing yourself to people who have professional photographers documenting their every move. It sounds so relaxing.

If I sounded like this
I'd never shut up

there's no independent, verifiable proof that it's actually Tuesday . We're all just blindly trusting some ancient calendar-keeper who, for all we know, was completely delusional and just made it up one day after a particularly potent batch of fermented berries.

It's a collective faith, really. We're all participating in a giant, unspoken agreement to believe in Tuesday , even though there's no tangible evidence to support its existence. We're like members of a cult, blindly following the pronouncements of some long-dead guru, hoping for a reward that may never come.

If we lose faith in the 'days', if we suddenly decide that it's just another day like any other, then the entire fabric of society could unravel. People would stop going to work, the economy would collapse, and chaos would reign supreme.

You're participating in a global conspiracy of belief, clinging to a concept that has no basis in reality.