Forwarded from Unresolved Issues
እንኳን ለጌታችን ለመድሐኒታችን ለእየሱስ ክርስቶስ ትንሳኤ በአል በሰላም አደረሳችሁ
"The dawn! That cruel mistress, tearing me from the sweet oblivion of slumber with her harsh, unforgiving light! Is there no escape from the tyranny of consciousness?!" (Throws arm dramatically over eyes)
When I say “me and the gang” I actually mean me and my different personalities I have for each person in my life.
Okay, so you've accidentally ascended to stalker-level knowledge, and now you're realizing you know way too much about someone you've never actually spoken to? You've gone full-blown "creeper in the digital bushes," and the line between harmless admirer and potential restraining order recipient is getting blurry?
You're basically a walking, talking (well, thinking) encyclopedia of someone's life, except the information you've gathered is all from public social media posts and the occasional LinkedIn deep dive. You're like a CIA agent, but your mission is figuring out their favorite brand of artisanal cheese.
It's all been harmless enough, right? A little innocent scrolling, a few casual glances at their Instagram stories, maybe a quick peek at their Goodreads account to see what they're reading. Totally normal, right? Everyone does that! (Denial is a powerful tool, folks).
But then BAM! You're in a real-life situation, and suddenly you know things. Way too many things. You know their dog's birthday, their childhood dream of becoming a competitive yoyo-er, and their irrational fear of pigeons. You know things you shouldn't know, things you definitely didn't learn through normal human interaction.
And you almost blurt it out. You're about to casually drop a reference to their obscure favorite band from 2008, or ask about their aunt's hip replacement surgery, and then... the realization hits you like a ton of bricks. You don't know them. You've never spoken to them. You're a stranger! A delightful, well-meaning stranger, but a stranger nonetheless.
It's like you've accidentally stumbled into their birthday party dressed as a unicorn, and now you have to pretend you were just passing through and got lost. Smoothly.
The worst part is, now you have a choice. Do you keep your newfound knowledge to yourself, forever guarding the secrets of someone you barely know? Do you try to strike up a conversation, carefully calibrating your every word to avoid revealing your stalker-ish tendencies? Or do you just embrace the crazy and confess everything, hoping they find your obsessive interest charming rather than terrifying?
(Spoiler alert: charming is a long shot).
-Agent Creeper
You're basically a walking, talking (well, thinking) encyclopedia of someone's life, except the information you've gathered is all from public social media posts and the occasional LinkedIn deep dive. You're like a CIA agent, but your mission is figuring out their favorite brand of artisanal cheese.
It's all been harmless enough, right? A little innocent scrolling, a few casual glances at their Instagram stories, maybe a quick peek at their Goodreads account to see what they're reading. Totally normal, right? Everyone does that! (Denial is a powerful tool, folks).
But then BAM! You're in a real-life situation, and suddenly you know things. Way too many things. You know their dog's birthday, their childhood dream of becoming a competitive yoyo-er, and their irrational fear of pigeons. You know things you shouldn't know, things you definitely didn't learn through normal human interaction.
And you almost blurt it out. You're about to casually drop a reference to their obscure favorite band from 2008, or ask about their aunt's hip replacement surgery, and then... the realization hits you like a ton of bricks. You don't know them. You've never spoken to them. You're a stranger! A delightful, well-meaning stranger, but a stranger nonetheless.
It's like you've accidentally stumbled into their birthday party dressed as a unicorn, and now you have to pretend you were just passing through and got lost. Smoothly.
The worst part is, now you have a choice. Do you keep your newfound knowledge to yourself, forever guarding the secrets of someone you barely know? Do you try to strike up a conversation, carefully calibrating your every word to avoid revealing your stalker-ish tendencies? Or do you just embrace the crazy and confess everything, hoping they find your obsessive interest charming rather than terrifying?
(Spoiler alert: charming is a long shot).
-Agent Creeper
😭2
Would you even notice you have been demonically possessed with everything going on with you?
“I just read them for fun.”
“Dictionaries?”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t sound like fun. That sounds awful.”
“Awful used to mean ‘full of awe.’ The same meaning as awesome. I learned that from a dictionary.” He blinked.
“See?” She said. “Fun.”
(Max Barry)
“Dictionaries?”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t sound like fun. That sounds awful.”
“Awful used to mean ‘full of awe.’ The same meaning as awesome. I learned that from a dictionary.” He blinked.
“See?” She said. “Fun.”
(Max Barry)
the psychological explanation for why you find more comfort in libraries than you did in your mother's womb-
Sadness is a poor, tired man, searching within us for a rib to rest his head on, away from the laughter of joy that awakens him.
I'm pretty sure I just accidentally declared war on a flock of pigeons using a series of nonsensical emoji.