The memory of last night clings to me like a shroud, a heavy, suffocating weight. I can still feel the phantom sting of tears I cannot seem to staunch, a relentless torrent that defies all logic and reason. I, the one who prides myself on stoicism, the one who navigates life with a carefully constructed mask of composure, was reduced to a weeping mess. I tried everything within my limited arsenal of control: deep breaths, cold compresses, the silent mantra of denial I have perfected over years. But the tears kept coming, a betrayal of my carefully cultivated persona, a stark reminder of my own vulnerability. It is an anomaly, this outpouring, a glitch in the system I have worked so hard to maintain. I, the one who doesn’t cry, who holds back the floods of emotion that threaten to overwhelm, I was undone by some unseen force, reduced to a raw and broken thing.

And the worst part, the thing that twists the knife deeper, is the secrecy I maintain. I don’t speak of it, not even to the person who shares my life, the one who believes he knows me best. I am a master of deception, a practiced liar who paints a picture of normalcy, of a life untouched by inner turmoil. He sees the facade, the composed exterior, and I silently, painfully, allow him to believe it. The truth, this relentless torrent of tears that I can barely contain, remains a hidden thing, a secret shame locked away behind the impenetrable walls of my own making. I am normal, I insist to myself, even as the evidence to the contrary floods my vision, blurring the lines between reality and this agonizing, private torment. I will not allow him to see the cracks in my composure, to witness this unsettling display of my own fragility. I will keep this secret, this unbearable burden, locked within me, forever

In the end I desire the things that could end me most.

#you?

im actually super annoying all i do is sleep so im unproductive and when i am awake i just complain about wanting to be unconscious again or dead

Too scared of the thoughts behind my thoughts.

Suspicious ❌

Ere betam deg nat isw🎯

And beneath the surface of every smile,
I perceive the glint of sharpened fangs,
poised to tear and just bite.
Every word of encouragement, every seemingly heartfelt investment (seems like words plqy going on),
is but a carefully constructed lie,
a veiled prayer for my ultimate demise.

I am surrounded by a chorus of wolves in sheep's clothing,
each one a master of deception,
cloaking their malevolent intent in a facade of benevolence.
And yet, amidst this theater of cruelty,
I detect a distinct odor,
a pungent, acrid scent that fills the air –
the unmistakable aroma of something burning.

Is it me? Am I the offering,
the sacrificial lamb consumed by their insatiable hunger?
Or is it the edifice I have painstakingly constructed,
the fragile fortress of a life I believed to be my shelter,
now reduced to smoldering rubble.


I see the match, the instrument of my destruction,
held aloft in their hands,
and yet, with a practiced ease, I feign ignorance,
a performance of indifference designed to conceal the terror
that claws at my throat.

I be saying whatever on my mind lately, it's like my tongue has a mind of its own

Somethings are just mild

Disappointed of who i turned out to be

The voices in my head setting the bar high for my already fried IQ

Grasping onto hands that aint meant to stay

Stay average

Average is good. Average is where life thrives. Average temperature, average ph, average oxygen levels. Average is the goldilocks of life.