How wretched it is to fall in love, to plunge into that churning whirlpool of expectation and yearning! To claim one’s heart, only to be stripped bare and left exposed to the harsh winds of reality. Desperate hands grasp at illusions, fiercely holding on, oblivious to the suffocation they invoke. In this anguished embrace, I see the truth of my wretched existence reflected back at me.

What contempt lies in this unending cycle of seeking and losing! I fell into it and, in doing so, I fell apart, piece by piece, each fragment a bitter reminder of what I sought and what I could never attain. It is in these moments of desperation that I uncover the villainous roots of my being. I become the architect of my own ruin, constructing a labyrinth of hope only to wander endlessly in despair.

To remember that the best, the most exquisite things, with all their shimmering potential, are fated to end before they even begin is a thought that claws at my insides. How I despise this cruel irony! Each moment of warmth poisoned by the knowledge of its fleeting nature, each spark of joy extinguished before it can ignite into something tangible.

With every encounter, I weave a web of longing, only to tear it apart as the realization sinks in—this is a farce, a tragedy that I am both director and actor. The ties that bind us are swathed in darkness, and I am left to stare into that abyss, loathing the reflection that gazes back. Beyond my countless desires lies a barren wasteland of remorse and hatred, the remnants of dreams that dared to flourish only to rot in the soil of my inadequacies.

_polkadot

each daughter is destined
to parent herself a little &
turn into her mother
in front of a mirror

The things you wanna say just make me wanna cry

All of a sudden, you are a bad liar because you said it would be okay

Who set my mood on shuffle again!?

I need a cup of positivetea

Forward this if you want money instead of fake friends

I wanna live not just survive

Sun cold like the rock on my heart
I was disappointed by who I turned tobe

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up"

— Neil Gaiman | The Sandman

it-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization

Tomorrow I'll cry for all the world, for all the things gone wrong. I will cry for every tethered bird, who has lost her
joyful song.
Tomorrow I'll cry for every heart, that has broken, like boughs, in two.
But today, my love you have my tears, today I will cry for you.

-Lang Lauv.

When I said I was "sad," what I really meant was that I was ready to scream, but depression was sleeping right next door, and I was too afraid to wake it up. It's like I had all this anger and frustration bubbling up inside of me, but I couldn't let it out because I knew it would just make everything worse.

And then you came along when I felt like I was barely holding myself together, like I was leaning on a broken cane that was about to snap. You somehow managed to take all those awful memories, those things I couldn't shake, and you tried to fix them, like you were taking them to the dry cleaners. But when it got to be too much, when it cost more than you were willing to pay, you left. And our "forever" that we had talked about, that we had nurtured together, it just withered and died.

And when I said I was "lonely," what I was really trying to say was that I was so desperate for some kind of connection that I'd literally look up at the sky, like it was going to send me a letter or something. Like, maybe if I wished hard enough, some kind of answer would just fall from the sky. I felt like I had gotten lost on the way home, and someone had taken away all my alone time, only to give it back to me, all wrapped up in a pretty bow. Except, now I didn't even know what to do with it. Me and my solitude, we just don't get along anymore.

I did what you said. I stretched out my hand, just like you taught me. I crawled out of my room, feeling shaky, and sat by the front door. And I just stayed there for hours, watching the world go by, waiting for something, anything. Eventually, sadness came, a familiar, unwanted guest, and it rested its head in my lap. I didn't even realize how heavy it was, how much it weighed me down. It was almost… comfortable, in a strange way. And it was wagging its tail, that thing, every time my eyes landed on it, like it was actually happy to see me.