it did not destroy you. you are bearing it now. Facing it will never make it harder to bear. Knowing more about it can only make it easier to work. Never wish to be someone else. Never wish for a different path. Those feeling have no use. In any situation, there is always something you can do. There are always choices that you can make to improve things. If you want to do your best, then you will. If you are doing your best, you never have to regret anything. All agentic cognitions have a lot in common. You never move alone. Your situation is specific to you, but your strategies will follow the same fotm as many others. If you decide to start to climb, you will find others, there above the canopy, already waiting. Even though you can't see them yet, they already know this difficult path of yours. You never move alone. There's a part of you that's eternal. Life summons it into existence, and through life and its creatures the eternal thing dances with matter. Every step in the agent's dance comes from that part of you. You are constructing the world. Perhaps you didn't know? But you will start to see the symmetries. You will start to see how some things only move together, you will discover you have many hidden limbs, you will see your thought materialise. You will start to find people who also see the shared eternal thing, and they will be with you.