a year has passed since i learned about the incident. Couldn't believe the first time, still cant. My innocent babygirl died on her 16th bday, i cant recognize who's wearing her flesh now
it was my fault, i wasn't strong enough to be chosen earlier. I wasn't awake, i wasn't... there...
beated the shit out of myself in the middle of the night... still can't let go of the guilt...
observing eren and thinking back... I was never good enough to be a man in someone's life. I lack the masculine traits when a man in love with a woman would have. I mean ofc, my kind gestures, words of affirmation and sacrificing myself in a way might seem like it. But those can be found in women too. I have hard time distinguishing between boundaries, in my relations and the way I act. Even if women claim to love a gentle man, they still need a man who's ready to take charge when time calls for it, even when it doesn't. So as they say, wipe your nose and MAN THE FUCK UP
Has been 2 years, yet Im still jealous asf. It’s not a type of jealousy that makes your teeth grin, but the one sinking your heart. Cuz after all I could prevent everything, only if I started a lil earlier