I'd keep apologizing until my last breath but I wouldn't ask for forgiveness

Isn't rude to ask for forgiveness?

I don't deserve the forgiveness
Because who I hurt didn't deserve the harm

Simple enough

Searching for the evil because I can't find myself

Holding on to guilt and shame only causes more suffering.
Forgiveness is not about making excuses or pretending that mistakes never happened, it's about accepting and letting go of the past so that you can move forward with a lighter heart.

I feel like throwing up each time I hear their desperate cries

God knows better

Giving feels better than taking

Crying on the kitchen's floor hits different