I need something to give my mind a focus
and thus I write this nonsense.
These so called poems
with a hint of rant
and a bit of banter.
Smothered in self-sorrow.
Oh, woe is me.
So when the waves start crashing
I start typing.
The content can't be helped.
I just sit back and relax
let the keys click and clack
And focus.

The first time I shouted at you was when you asked me what I wanted, and I told you I wanted to die. You were silent for a minute, as if you hadn't seen it in my face every day. I remember begging you not to go, but for three years, you kept taking us back and forth. The last time, I cried in front of people and couldn't even answer a simple question. I heard you mumbling in the back, but all I could think was,
"When will they know? How can all these people not see that we don't want to be here?"
That's when I started thinking I needed to be better than that. I decided I would be better at everything I did. Then I heard the judge calling my name. He asked me again, and I stopped crying. I answered all the questions, stood up, and didn't say a word all the way back home.
That's when you started shouting, telling me l was weak and asking what I wanted. I told you I wanted everything to end ,not just the suffering, but everything. I wished it was my last breath.Then you started shouting at my brother. I remember that night, asking him why you yelled at him. I got yelled at for crying, so what did he do? He said he answered all the questions with "I don't know," even the first one, which was his name. We laughed, and that's when I started looking up to him not because of his grades, what he writes, or how smart he is, but because of his resilience. That day, I lost all the hope I had in adults and gave it all to him.

I should overthink more,life is getting good at plot twists. How did I never see these coming?

A lover’s whisper, a tempest’s cry,
All live within the lake’s deep sigh.
The tears of those who stood alone,
Now mingle in its undertone.

For in the deep, you cannot hide.
You’ll find yourself in water’s keep,
And know the lake, both wide and deep.

🫧

“I would risk it all for you.”

But really, what do you have to offer? The self-hate, the insecurities, the self-sabotage. What can you give that you can’t give to yourself? Tell me, please! You’ve sabotaged yourself so much that you’re left with bare skin. Dig deep, way deep inside. Maybe you’ll find all the monsters you hide.

What if it's not about forming different characters? What if all your broken pieces found their way to stand alone, each forming a different character? These pieces choose not to come back together because being broken has given them a deeper understanding of everything. Each piece forms a personality, one acts a certain way in front of your parents, another around your siblings, another with friends, and so on. Each time a piece breaks, it creates another character, When all these pieces are put together, they could make you whole again. But you won’t try too you are way deep it’s you just shuffling personalities, you being a friend to everyone and an enemy to yourself.

I should've said this earlier but shout out to @LetBookEnterYourHead happy birthday again, the day that started it all.🫧

Has a big part on this channel.

Do we hope because we believe or do we believe because we hope?

Did make me laugh.😂

Mannnn I just finished the series The Bear ahhh it’s soooo good, hit a little close to home. Ahh loved it

Can't wait to bake cookies in my own home.

go through the resepi with me~
(Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookie)

📌note: this makes about 18 cookies! here’s a tip: bake one cookie first to test your oven’s heat temp and optimal baking time and then bake the rest in batches!

📝 ingredients:
227g unsalted butter
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
2 eggs
2 tbsp milk
1 tsp vanilla extract

(Dry ingredients)
370g All purpose flour
1 tsp cornstarch
1 tsp baking powder
salt

300g chocolate bar (Dark would be recommended but i used milk :3)

Can I call you? When you answer, please speak gently and tell me you missed me. Don’t take it against me or raise your voice. Just ask me how I’m doing, and I’ll ask you the same. Answer me gently, and remember, this isn’t a competition. If it were, you’ve already won. I missed you. I called first. I will always lose no matter how draining it feels I will always lose to you.