roller coaster of a human.

I want to estimate my value to the 4th significant figure. I wanna know exactly how much I mean to people. And I'd rather underestimate myself. Because humbleness seems to be rewarded (or at least not laughed at when it's wrong). But if you were confident in something you shouldn've been in, say, yourself... I don't ever wanna be blindsided or ridiculed for not seeing it sooner. I'd rather prostrate myself under the altar of insecurity diguised as humility and rot.

Why do I always talk about myself? Why am I so damn introspective? Its as if my eyes are irreversibly glued inside out and the only thing in my field of vision is what I think and feel. I see the world not as how it is but as I react to it. I'm the center of my gravity. The only dip in my space time continuum. All I do is spin around and around myself. It's giving me a headache.

God wanted me to be funny, so he filled my life with funny embarrassments to share with my friends.
Askign hogna adelm werdetam engi.

hellow

Save videos, voice messages, and watch them back. You will see how much you have changed, and it will literally make you happy, or even sad, but it shows you your beliefs and everything
Man I have changed so much over these three years.

cringe alott too.

there’s something i want to write, but the “i” i call myself feels more like an “it” something bare, wearing a facade with nothing underneath. it’s filled with passion, burning with the desire to lead, to know, yet paralyzed by not knowing how to move forward. it waits, it crumbles, it feels empty. it wants to understand. it feels like a waste.
and as i write this, i wonder how i could ever change. no one seems to grasp the hidden wedges under your feet when your heart aches for more. how does one make the heart and the brain speak to each other?

it begins slowly, and perhaps, in time, we’ll see what has been accomplished.

3rd of December.
Elenix bring my sweater backkk.

When the network is bad, so you try the airplane mode on and off, but then your AirPods disconnect, and the whole library just got entertained with jazz. So you pretend it's a phone call, but the pause button suddenly doesn't exist, and now your phone is a big enemy, so it takes you seconds. Geta hoy why is my life an entertainment.😭

Letting smiski and lemura hang out while intrusive works

feels like she is babysitting me.

I hate that I'm no longer surprised, I hate that we treat it like a normal day.