“Be careful what you wish for” is not just a warning it’s a truth I’ve lived. I used to wish for simple things like two birthday cakes and I got them. But they were never together they are now in different places like my life split between two worlds.
I was that kid thrilled by the idea of having something special but the excitement faded fast. It was like having everything yet feeling nothing, just an empty joy that flickered and disappeared.
The cakes became symbols of all the things I never quite had things that were there but never fully mine. After that it was hard to feel anything with the same intensity. Happiness became distant and even now I catch myself reaching for moments that never seem to stick.
I kept wishing for more thinking maybe if I had this or that it would finally feel different. But no matter what I got it never seemed to last it was all temporary all conditional. I learned to expect less to guard myself against disappointment, and slowly that hopeful kid who once wished for two cakes just stopped wishing altogether. Now it’s like I’m searching for a feeling that I’m not sure even exists anymore something I lost along the way and can’t quite name moments that faded too fast like shadows of dreams that were never meant to last.
I was that kid thrilled by the idea of having something special but the excitement faded fast. It was like having everything yet feeling nothing, just an empty joy that flickered and disappeared.
The cakes became symbols of all the things I never quite had things that were there but never fully mine. After that it was hard to feel anything with the same intensity. Happiness became distant and even now I catch myself reaching for moments that never seem to stick.
I kept wishing for more thinking maybe if I had this or that it would finally feel different. But no matter what I got it never seemed to last it was all temporary all conditional. I learned to expect less to guard myself against disappointment, and slowly that hopeful kid who once wished for two cakes just stopped wishing altogether. Now it’s like I’m searching for a feeling that I’m not sure even exists anymore something I lost along the way and can’t quite name moments that faded too fast like shadows of dreams that were never meant to last.
❤8👍1
You wake up to the sound of an alarm you set for school but you’re too lazy to turn it off. You remember it’s Friday and you have to go to church. You think about visiting your grandmother. You get uptake a shower get dressed and grab some cash some from yours and some from your brother’s wallet. You pack your things head out and wait for a taxi. When it arrives you choose a seat trying to find a spot where you won’t be too close to anyone. But the man next to you crowds in spilling everything he has onto your side. The taxi is packed and you can’t say anything so you try to numb yourself trying to ignore the feeling of his arm pressing against your side your skin painfully aware of the closeness you are always too conscious to any touch even if it's not on purpose. you remind yourself why you hate public transport but you have no choice this is you being too much.
You look out the window trying to distract yourself and suddenly, you’re in front of the church. There are so many people. You remember the days when you and your friend used to come here.The place feels different now crowded and strange. And then in a blink you’re at your grandmother’s house. You see her smiling at you and she gives you a warm hug. You kiss her cheek. This feels like home. Maybe that’s why you hate hugs that never feel like hers.
She tells you to eat but you decide to make her coffee instead. She compliments your dress, and for a moment you feel beautiful. You pour her a cup and she drinks it slowly savoring every sip. She asks about your brothers the usual questions. You tell her they’re busy the usual lie that they don’t come home often only visit once a month. She says to tell them she misses them but you know you never will. She goes on about why they should come, then stops and sighs saying“I just hope they’re okay right where they are.”
You look out the window trying to distract yourself and suddenly, you’re in front of the church. There are so many people. You remember the days when you and your friend used to come here.The place feels different now crowded and strange. And then in a blink you’re at your grandmother’s house. You see her smiling at you and she gives you a warm hug. You kiss her cheek. This feels like home. Maybe that’s why you hate hugs that never feel like hers.
She tells you to eat but you decide to make her coffee instead. She compliments your dress, and for a moment you feel beautiful. You pour her a cup and she drinks it slowly savoring every sip. She asks about your brothers the usual questions. You tell her they’re busy the usual lie that they don’t come home often only visit once a month. She says to tell them she misses them but you know you never will. She goes on about why they should come, then stops and sighs saying“I just hope they’re okay right where they are.”
❤8
You finish the coffee and go to lie on her bed. The bed feels soft familiar and comforting. You fall into a deep sleep. You dream of being in your own bed. You see your mother feeding you because she hates leftovers you left and tells you she made it so you can eat and she doesn't want to throw it out.She puts everything on a big platter and feeds each of you, going from room to room. You hear your brothers resisting saying they’re full. You know you’re going to be next so you pretend to be asleep but she knows you’re not. She wakes you up and tries to feed you. You resist, angry at her angry because you don’t want to eat.
At the time you felt annoyed frustrated but now you miss it. The things you never expected to become memories have turned into some of the deepest ones. You miss that feeling the way she cared the way she insisted. You wish you could wake up to it one more time.
You’re back in your grandmother’s house staring at the ceiling now you are awake The room feels so comfortable almost like home. You hear the rain outside and it sounds peaceful cozy. You glance at your phone and realize you’ve slept for three hours. You look back up at the ceiling and without realizing tears start to run down your face. You don’t move you’re still silent your eyes fixed on a spot above. Your body feels heavy and eventually your eyes close again you are asleep again.
Then you hear your name. Your grandmother is calling you. You’ve slept too long she is kinda worried asks if your sick now you have a headache for thinking too much of the things you shouldn't and she says you need to eat. Slowly you get up feeling the weight of your dreams still clinging to you and you go to her but somehow it felt good.
And in that moment you realize that maybe you don’t need to hold onto every memory so tightly. Maybe it’s okay to let them come and go, like the rain outside. Maybe it’s enough just to be here in this fleeting moment
with someone who loves you someone who knows all the parts of you that you sometimes forget. Now You close your eyes and thank God you still exist.
At the time you felt annoyed frustrated but now you miss it. The things you never expected to become memories have turned into some of the deepest ones. You miss that feeling the way she cared the way she insisted. You wish you could wake up to it one more time.
You’re back in your grandmother’s house staring at the ceiling now you are awake The room feels so comfortable almost like home. You hear the rain outside and it sounds peaceful cozy. You glance at your phone and realize you’ve slept for three hours. You look back up at the ceiling and without realizing tears start to run down your face. You don’t move you’re still silent your eyes fixed on a spot above. Your body feels heavy and eventually your eyes close again you are asleep again.
Then you hear your name. Your grandmother is calling you. You’ve slept too long she is kinda worried asks if your sick now you have a headache for thinking too much of the things you shouldn't and she says you need to eat. Slowly you get up feeling the weight of your dreams still clinging to you and you go to her but somehow it felt good.
And in that moment you realize that maybe you don’t need to hold onto every memory so tightly. Maybe it’s okay to let them come and go, like the rain outside. Maybe it’s enough just to be here in this fleeting moment
with someone who loves you someone who knows all the parts of you that you sometimes forget. Now You close your eyes and thank God you still exist.
❤12
I can never say I lowered my standards. I have never had any just show me for an instant, that I exist and that’s all I could ask for.
yet still, that was plenty.
yet still, that was plenty.
❤11
Who do you blame
the person who tore everything apart but is now trying brick by painstaking brick to rebuild what they broke? Or do you blame the one who stands still, refusing to mend a single thing trapped in their own inertia, dragging you down with them? Do you place your faith in the one who caused the ruin but now seeks redemption or do you stand beside the one who resists change, convinced that this stagnant misery is the best they can offer?
One holds a sledgehammer, the other a weight each capable of crushing you in a different way. Who do you choose to follow when both paths seem to lead nowhere?
the person who tore everything apart but is now trying brick by painstaking brick to rebuild what they broke? Or do you blame the one who stands still, refusing to mend a single thing trapped in their own inertia, dragging you down with them? Do you place your faith in the one who caused the ruin but now seeks redemption or do you stand beside the one who resists change, convinced that this stagnant misery is the best they can offer?
One holds a sledgehammer, the other a weight each capable of crushing you in a different way. Who do you choose to follow when both paths seem to lead nowhere?
❤5
Am about to open a hair salon because I just braided four kids back to back mtsmmm.
❤2😁2
I pray that if I have enemies, they be people, not the constant battle raging within my own mind.
❤2
Forwarded from Dave Dumps
Everyone has spiritual struggles and finding the right path can be hard. and i think my boy @naol_builds Understood that and created this group, @lost_and_found_orthodox i am really happy that he did and looking forward to what this new found community could contribute to youth.
❤3