i need to stop but the weather was so pleasant today and the clouds are beautiful and i'm wearing my happy-sweater.
❤15
i love watching weddings. they make me want to get married too and not even for the marriage, but for the whole big fat indian wedding experience. the music, the lehenga, the baarat, the rituals, the feeling of being at the centre of literally everything. and yet at the same time, i know i’d probably choose a simple court marriage because well, the whole spectacle is just a huge waste of money.
❤17
it’s so exhausting trying to focus on one thing when my mind refuses to stay in one place. i’ll be doing a single task, but my brain is already juggling ten others and thinking about them, wanting to chase them, pulling me in every direction. it feels like there’s a full blown circus happening inside my head all the time. no matter how badly i want to concentrate on the one thing in front of me, i just can’t seem to hold onto it. if this isn’t adhd, then i genuinely don’t know what is. i’m so tired of fighting my own mind. literally sick of it atp.
❤18
btw you don’t have anger issues, it's everybody around you that’s making you angry and that’s the problem and you should definitely eliminate them.
❤13💯2🤡1
project hail mary by andy weir
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
i just finished reading project hail mary last night, and i don’t think i’ve ever been more pleasantly surprised by myself as a reader.
hard science fiction has never been my thing. science, numbers, technical explanations are things i usually run in the opposite direction from. and yet here i am, having not only read but fully understood and genuinely loved a hard sci-fi novel. i regret not picking it up sooner.
what made it work for me was how accessible it felt. the science is explained with such clarity that even someone who doesn’t fw science can follow along. nothing felt condescending unnecessarily dense. it was problem solving, but it was also storytelling. i loved the narrative structure. it starts with a slow unfolding where the protagonist wakes up with no memory and gradually pieces together who he is and what he’s meant to do. the nonlinear revelation of memory kept the tension alive without feeling gimmicky. and the characters are so likable (especially rocky). i don’t know if i’m allowed to call a space survival novel "cute," but parts of this book were genuinely cute because of that friendship. the book is deeply optimistic. everything works out. that optimism is both its strength and, for me, its slight weakness. toward the end, some developments felt predictable. i also personally wished he would have gone back to earth because, well, he had the means. i understand why he didn’t, intellectually. i understand the choice the story is making. but emotionally, that mindset isn’t mine. maybe it requires fully stepping into his shoes, and i’m not sure i can. still, i can’t deny how satisfying the experience was. it was immersive, hopeful, clever without being alienating. a completely new genre experience for me. it was a four stars and proof that maybe i shouldn’t box myself into what i think i can or cannot read.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
i just finished reading project hail mary last night, and i don’t think i’ve ever been more pleasantly surprised by myself as a reader.
hard science fiction has never been my thing. science, numbers, technical explanations are things i usually run in the opposite direction from. and yet here i am, having not only read but fully understood and genuinely loved a hard sci-fi novel. i regret not picking it up sooner.
what made it work for me was how accessible it felt. the science is explained with such clarity that even someone who doesn’t fw science can follow along. nothing felt condescending unnecessarily dense. it was problem solving, but it was also storytelling. i loved the narrative structure. it starts with a slow unfolding where the protagonist wakes up with no memory and gradually pieces together who he is and what he’s meant to do. the nonlinear revelation of memory kept the tension alive without feeling gimmicky. and the characters are so likable (especially rocky). i don’t know if i’m allowed to call a space survival novel "cute," but parts of this book were genuinely cute because of that friendship. the book is deeply optimistic. everything works out. that optimism is both its strength and, for me, its slight weakness. toward the end, some developments felt predictable. i also personally wished he would have gone back to earth because, well, he had the means. i understand why he didn’t, intellectually. i understand the choice the story is making. but emotionally, that mindset isn’t mine. maybe it requires fully stepping into his shoes, and i’m not sure i can. still, i can’t deny how satisfying the experience was. it was immersive, hopeful, clever without being alienating. a completely new genre experience for me. it was a four stars and proof that maybe i shouldn’t box myself into what i think i can or cannot read.
❤13
hi mom,
i learned you the way a bruise learns the body. for a long time i thought i was inventing my own sadness, my own nervousness, my own way of shrinking in rooms. and then one day i heard you apologize for something that was never your fault, and it sounded exactly like me.
that’s the unbearable part of daughterhood. you look at your mother and realize you are not entirely original. her grief and caution and insecurities all lives in you like a second pulse. sometimes i want to accuse you of it. i want to ask why your fear had to become my inheritance. why i carry your self doubt like family heirloom. why loving you feels, at times, like participating in a marathon i did not consent to. and still, when the world exhausts me, it is still your voice i imagine just because if there is anyone who might recognize the architecture of my mind without calling it too much, it would be you. if there is anyone who might see my fragility and not be surprised, it would be you.
we hurt each other in countless ways. we miss each other constantly. you do not always see me clearly, and i do not always allow myself to see you as more than the origin of my wounds. but beneath the anger is something embarrassingly tender. i still want you to tell me that i am not broken. that this is not entirely my fault. that the parts of me that resemble you are not defects.
i want to blame you. i want to forgive you. mostly, i want to know that no matter how many times we fail each other, you will still let me come home.
i learned you the way a bruise learns the body. for a long time i thought i was inventing my own sadness, my own nervousness, my own way of shrinking in rooms. and then one day i heard you apologize for something that was never your fault, and it sounded exactly like me.
that’s the unbearable part of daughterhood. you look at your mother and realize you are not entirely original. her grief and caution and insecurities all lives in you like a second pulse. sometimes i want to accuse you of it. i want to ask why your fear had to become my inheritance. why i carry your self doubt like family heirloom. why loving you feels, at times, like participating in a marathon i did not consent to. and still, when the world exhausts me, it is still your voice i imagine just because if there is anyone who might recognize the architecture of my mind without calling it too much, it would be you. if there is anyone who might see my fragility and not be surprised, it would be you.
we hurt each other in countless ways. we miss each other constantly. you do not always see me clearly, and i do not always allow myself to see you as more than the origin of my wounds. but beneath the anger is something embarrassingly tender. i still want you to tell me that i am not broken. that this is not entirely my fault. that the parts of me that resemble you are not defects.
i want to blame you. i want to forgive you. mostly, i want to know that no matter how many times we fail each other, you will still let me come home.
❤23