Media is too big
VIEW IN TELEGRAM
this is just a trial video to see if i can record
tell karo how this is. (judge harshly)
tell karo how this is. (judge harshly)
❤19
there is a reason i don’t want the people i know to be in this channel man. UGHHHHH
😢5🌚4
gotta renovate the channel a bit because apparently people who were not supposed to know about it's existence are aware of it?
😭12
i thought i would leave all of this behind with the old year. but i suppose made promises out of desperation. they were brittle promises tho. i should have known they would crack the moment i touched them. why do i insist on dressing myself up as someone better every january? i knew i wasn’t that strong and still i let myself believe that naming a new year could cauterize old wounds. i ruin things with such precision that it feels almost deliberate, like i am loyal only to my own undoing. i told myself i wouldn’t text him again, but my hands moved faster than my brain. the worst part is not that i failed, but that i already know i will fail again. it’s a pattern.
so why keep up the facade? why pretend i am cured when i am still bleeding in the same places? i am exhausted by my own performance of recovery. i want to get better but there is a part of me that reaches backward, that drags me down because at least there i know the shape of my misery.
maybe this is what it means to live inside yourself - to be both the wound and the hand that keeps pressing on it, wondering why it won’t heal.
so why keep up the facade? why pretend i am cured when i am still bleeding in the same places? i am exhausted by my own performance of recovery. i want to get better but there is a part of me that reaches backward, that drags me down because at least there i know the shape of my misery.
maybe this is what it means to live inside yourself - to be both the wound and the hand that keeps pressing on it, wondering why it won’t heal.
❤13