so, i watched homebound. i want to rip my soul apart and cry for an infinite amount of time.

yes i watched call me by your name. yes i'm in the pursuit of sadness and misery.

sleeping has got to be my top 5 hobbies and top 5 opps. HOW DO I MANAGE TO SLEEP SO MUCH??????

your name is constantly humming in my chest.

i want to do stuff but i also don't want to do anything.

personally, i really wanna enjoy my life next year

but something about this doesn't fit right with my do kaudi ki kismet

i really really really wish i was a cat because i'm clearly not built to live in this capitalist society. i'm built for sleeping 17 hours a day and knocking things over.

mere mitochondria ki power khatam h

i might be broke but apparently not broke enough to deny myself something sweet every single day?

is saste and ache jeans just a myth?

i keep thinking sleep is the closest thing to escape that i have. when i sleep, time loosens its fingers and days stop demanding names from me. morning, evening, night, what are they, really, except different shades of the same fatigue? i wake up and it feels like i never fully arrived. the hours blur together like wet ink, each one staining the next until the page is unreadable. i exist in repetition. eat, lie down, read, scroll, think too much, sleep again. it is not living, but it is not absence either. it is being suspended and pinned in a place. i want to leave. i want to dissolve. i want to slip out of the role of a person who must do. must progress. must become. i am so tired of becoming. it feels like a threat now. there are days when i crave motion the way lungs crave air. i want to walk until my thoughts fall behind me, until my body remembers it is more than a container for restlessness. but the walls stay where they are. i read to feel occupied, but the words blur. i lie down to rest, but the rest turns heavy, and shameful. even sleep sometimes feels like another form of hiding. i imagine a me that is not expected to explain this tiredness. someone allowed to be silent without being questioned. someone whose stillness is not mistaken for laziness or failure. i don’t want to disappear because i hate living. i want to disappear because i am exhausted from holding myself together. i want a pause long enough for my thoughts to stop echoing. i want to wake up and feel like the day is distinct, like it has edges, like it wants me. and i hope that wanting to escape does not mean i am weak but only that i am overwhelmed.

bhai veer pahariya ⛰️ started the year as a meme and ended it as a meme. consistency.

yaar mujhe laga tha hair uncountable noun hota h? how did it turn countable?

imagine being loved by me (threat)

so jao [impersonating that one guy in your dms]

so, i read shadow and bone by leigh bardugo. 3.5 stars i suppose. will read the other two books in the trilogy and then think about it.