im nothing in my soul if not fucking dumb

okay, so this is the front yard. it’s honestly my favorite part of our घर. idk, it’s not like we planned some big fancy garden or anything. half of these plants just kind of happened on their own over time. but now it’s just… green. like, properly green. i do everything here. like, everything. i’ve read books here, cried here, had coffee here, just sat here to do nothing. we even tried our hand at a bit of farming. just a few chillis, tomatoes, bottlegourd, mango, litchi, guava, chiku, lemon, papaya, or kuch kuch toh hai. and the flowers. ok bye

yk what i dislike about books?

their price.

books unopened. tabs left hanging. ideas circling like moths.
i keep promising myself i’ll start tomorrow. but tomorrow is always already full. and the guilt of wanting more time has started to rot the joy out of the time i do have.
if someone knows how to split yourself into five people and still keep one of them sane lmk.

how do people multi-task? i cant even singlr-task (idk if that makes sense)

sartre would argue that all desire is performative, that even intellectual seduction is an existential act of self-creation. if this is true, then is the pursuit of intellectual intimacy ever truly about the other person, or is it about how we see ourselves in their gaze? do we desire to know, or do we desire to be known?

so season 3 was actually a setup for the american version of sg?

saw this on सामने vala terrace and it does look cute. desi sustainability

blame it all on capitalism and move on

its laughable how we have boxed ourselves into certain aesthetics in the name of individuality and "personal style"

also these aesthetics are mainly targeted/marketed towards the women. so obviously its not at all about your style, its just for promoting overconsumption. in one way or another, yet again its capitalism 😭

and my problem isnt with consumption. its the overconsumption of stuff you buy just to fit into certain aesthetics which you dont even resonate with

these shoes have been in my wishlist for so long. i’ve stared at them more times than i can count

literally obsessed with people who teach themselves things or invest in random classes. learning is hot!

and imma become this hot

so someone said, "if you're so against over consumerism then why would you want to buy these overpriced shoes?", and its a very valid question.

okay. here's the thing.
i own exactly three pairs of footwear.
one pair of heels, bought three years ago, not exactly worn everyday, and they’re on the verge of breaking.
one pair of shoes, my college regulars. still going strong.
one pair of flats, for summers or rainy days. that’s it. that’s my whole "collection." i don’t believe in owning every kind of shoe just for the sake of it. i believe in wearing what i own, using it fully, and when something breaks, only then replacing it.
so yes, i can want those flats because they’re beautiful and because they’ll fill a space in my very practical and very minimal wardrobe.
also i won’t even buy the overpriced ones (paise nhi h). i’ll find a dupe that does the job and lasts the kind of wear i’m planning for. so yeah, it’s about allowing myself small joys every now and then.