ah it happens again. leaving after days of beautiful chaos feels so empty. i hate the last day of chhath. will miss mom. everything good burns out too fast. fir se vahi college vali majdoori.

bhai saare festivals khatm ho gaye 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞

i've simply been lost in the contradiction of different maps, wandering too many paths.

i miss my mother the most on the journey back to college. it’s like every passing mile pulls me farther from her warmth, and the missing comes in waves, breaking me into sobs every few minutes.

kismat toh hai meri chudi hui

a daily flirtation with who i am not, what i don’t have, and what i haven’t done.

i NEED a projector (do i?) but it’s so cool (stfu)

i love the sunshine kind of people. the ones who talk to everyone with that easy warmth, who make you feel loved just by existing near them. i want someone like that in my life so badly. but the thing is, i know i’ll push them away, i have pushed them away, because somewhere inside me, something panics when people get too kind. like i’ve lived too long without that sort of friendliness, and now i don’t know how to hold it without breaking it.

this is from 2022. missing the hair. or maybe i’m not missing the long hair, just the time it belonged to.

i love snapchat memories.

just completed reading this. took me a lot of time because of the festival season but i loved reading it. will post a review soon.

to kill a mockingbird by harper lee
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. i get why it’s called timeless. the writing is so easy to read, like genuinely beginner friendly. you can feel the innocence in every line, that soft tone only a child’s perspective can bring. and maybe that’s what makes it both beautiful and a bit too comfortable? like, for a book tackling something as heavy as racism, it feels oddly warm. but then again, it’s scout’s world we’re seeing, a child trying to make sense of the adult ugliness around her. that innocence almost cushions you from the brutality, which is kind of the point, i think.
some people say we should’ve had tom robinson’s perspective too, that the book is too centered on white experiences. and yeah, that’s fair. but i also feel like to kill a mockingbird isn’t meant to be tom robinson’s story. it’s meant to show how a child sees injustice and slowly loses her innocence through it. still, the "white saviour" angle does stand out now. atticus finch (i adore him, obviously) but the story frames morality and justice through his heroism. the black characters barely get a voice. it’s more about how white people respond to racism than how black people live with it. and that’s a valid modern criticism. but despite all that, the book holds up. there’s something about its warmth and the way childhood curiosity blends with harsh reality that makes it unforgettable. i think it’s slightly overrated, yes, but also very, very good. one of those books that make you feel something even while you’re side eyeing it a little. i also enjoyed reading all the characters throughout the book.
worth reading, worth thinking about after.

thinking about how resurrection isn’t really about the dead person at all. it’s about wanting to restore the world to how it was before their absence. but that version of reality no longer exists. if a haunting is an open wound, then resurrection feels like the knife that widens it.

mujhe ek baar breakup karna h

i got up, scrolled endlessly, slept in the name of a power nap, woke up, studied nothing, fell straight into a regret pit, and then, of course, started scrolling again. i hate when i’m like this.