sometimes i feel so utterly alone at college. it’s not even about not having people. everyone has their own set of friends they actually belong to. and when everyone’s off with their own people, i just sit there, not knowing what to do or where to go. i scroll and pretend to be busy, try to act unbothered, but it just feels so stupidly heavy inside. i start wondering if i’m just bad company, if i don’t fit anywhere. and i hate that it bothers me this much, but it does.

guess i'll stick to the only constant company i have had since ages.

today was just shit and overstimulating.

i mourned not the people i loved, but the parts of me that only existed when they did.

eheee it’s here slshgdjsksksjshgsfs

my kinda dhanteras lmao. i rarely get to buy books so this is a big deal for me c'mon.

how do people not like kishmish?

i'm sorry but wtf? anyways, i bet you have no clew about what i spewed.

i think i wasn’t clear here. what i'm saying is that the word "clue" actually comes from greek mythology in ovid’s metamorphoses, there’s the story of theseus and the minotaur, right? so when theseus goes into the labyrinth kill the minotaur, ariadne gives him this ball of thread so he doesn’t get lost. that ball of thread was called a clew which was basically just a bundle of yarn. and over time people started using clew in a more symbolic way, like not just a literal thread but something that helps you “find your way” through confusion. and then the spelling changed to clue, which is what we use now. like a hint that helps you solve a mystery.

khelne ki umar gayi toh kudne ki umar aa gayi 🥺

look i know everyone says isolating is bad for you and blah blah but everytime i isolate, wonderful things happen inside my brain and my room gets cleaned. so yk..

so i'm halfway through and am loving every bit of this.

in summer wounds fester and in winter they ache. another one of life's classic no win scenarios.