“To love someone long term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be.
The people they’re too exhausted to be any longer.
The people they don’t recognise inside themselves anymore.
The people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into.
We so badly want the people we love to get their spark back when it burns out;
to become speedily found when they are lost.
But it is not our job to hold anyone accountable to the people they used to be.
It is our job to travel with them between each version and to honor what emerges along the way.
Sometimes it will be an even more luminescent flame.
Sometimes it will be a flicker that disappears and temporarily floods the room with a perfect and necessary darkness."

- Heidi Priebe

From my Youtube Video "Native-Like Fluency in English | What is an exercise?"

Also, watch my other video "How to measure fluency in English"

A fragment from our Sunday Practice Session on June 16. How to do the self-correction exercise correctly.


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Look around, do the exercises, watch the replay of this lesson and start practicing differently.

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What we do every Sunday. A fragment from the Sunday Practice Session.

Have you done the new synchronization exercise?
Practice your listening skills.

https://learningdepot.ai/fleabag

A lot of people confuse “practice time” and “entertainment time” hoping to get both out of entertainment time.

Be deliberate with what you watch.
Be ruthless with your time when you practice.
Be yourself when you want to watch a movie. Enjoy it!

I updated the FREE self-study resources. If you still don't have an account on my website, create one today! subscribepage.io/nativelikefluency

If your goal is native like-fluency in English, start practicing the new way today.

Sign up to get instant access to my free self-study resources and my course “9 essential skills to get to native-like fluency” with very specific exercises. Every skill is will be explained and modeled for you.

Also, you’ll see my progress over the years. I do the exercises that help me be clear and spontaneous in English. I can’t wait to share them with you!

Sign up today and start practicing the new way.

Warning: to get to this new level of fluency, you will need to reverse engineer the learning process. You won’t need to do this alone. You’ll get guidance and feedback as you learn.

Don’t sign up if you just want another online course and you’re not ready to practice 🤪

How to achieve mastery:

1. Seek a mentor/coach who has mastered the skill that you want to learn and can give you the necessary guidance

2. Practice constantly

3. Surrender: both to the mentor and the demands of your discipline

4. Be intentional with your practice. Pay attention to what you’re doing

5. Don’t half-ass your practice. Commit to improvement

Every day I ask myself "Is my practice supporting the person I am becoming?"

Every time you open your mouth to practice speaking differently, remind yourself of the things you want to sound "different".

We do this exercise with all my students: I ask them to make a list of qualities that they want to embody when they speak in a foreign language. Funny enough, usually half of these qualities are the same that they want to possess when speaking in their first language too. Everyone wants "confidence". Few know what confidence feels like in their body. They only know what they saw in other people's videos, carefully curated Instagram posts, and thoroughly prepared TED talks.

Becoming truly fluent in another language means becoming a different person. On one hand, it sounds scary. On the other hand, it’s empowering because you get to choose what person you’re becoming.

Again, “fluent” is such a fuzzy term. I teach “native-like fluency”, and I that’s what I mean.

Many of my students want to sound warm in English, i.e. warmer than how they sound now. Many want to sound more empathetic, influence others when they speak, and always know what to say because they feel what needs to be said. People want this…. but all they practice is learning more words and relying on apps to give them good words to learn. People want to sound better, but all they practice is watching Netflix and YouTube where they get to see others sound effortlessly natural. People want to speak better, but all they practice is reading what’s easy to read and watching what it’s easy to watch and understand.

This is not the practice of becoming a different person. This does not lead to improvement.

Decide which qualities you want to embody and do the practice routines that support your vision. If you want to become someone others would ask for help, stop acting cold. Learn to show genuine interest in people in a foreign language. If you want to sound more powerful and convincing, practice precise wording. Do the “summarizing” exercise in my community of practice. You will find many examples. If you want to come across as someone friendly and straightforward, practice getting jokes, making jokes, giving/receiving compliments, being attentive to people…. and work on your melody.

If you want to be seen as authentic in a foreign language, practice expressing your authenticity. This is the most challenging practice because you need to learn to become a full expression of what you are in a foreign language. Most people want to control how they are seen, and they practice expressing only their “professional” side while ignoring their human need for connection and their humanity in general. They know how to perform in English at work, but they suffer because they can’t really connect with people at work or outside of work. It’s not that they “can’t”. They just never practice these skills. They practice talking to the same circle of people who understand them.

Own your learning process and do the practice that supports the person you’re becoming. No textbook in the world will have the right practice for you. You have to choose it and self-assign it.

For the last couple of years, I’ve been in the practice of being myself in the presence of others. My body knows very well what qualities I possess and should hone in on even more. I used to struggle expressing those in the presence of others. My mind would start running fast, and I’d end up hurrying, worrying, and fidgeting when I was around new people and was expected to say something important and meaningful. A big part of my practice is slowing down because my body knows how to be relaxed. It knows the power of making the right decisions that comes with relaxation.

No matter how badly your mind wants to change, it’s your body that must change, and this will take time. Your mind runs fast. You body takes about 1000 times longer to change.
Your body is actively participating in the process of becoming someone different, someone who can easily switch between the languages and express themselves authentically in both of these languages. Don’t pretend like it’s only a mental game. Don’t act like your body is not there and its needs are not important.

NEW Youtube video


There is a reason why I speak about the importance of hearing every single word in English. I explain it in the video.

Spoiler: if you prefer guessing over knowing, you simply don't have the patience. This also means you don't create space for other people in conversations. You can't...because you're not listening.

This also means that you're impatient with yourself. Impatient learners only look busy and active. They learn very, very slowly because they have to do the same thing 3-4-5-10 times, over and over again...simply because they didn't have the patience to do it right the first time.

The skill you need to cultivate is PATIENCE. Watch my other video on "presence in learning: tips for men and women" to learn more.

Don't tell me (or yourself) that you understand 80%, 70%, or 67% of what people say in English. These numbers are completely made up. You never measured your understanding. You didn't have the patience to do this. So, you run around with incorrect assumptions about yourself and use them as foundation for how you should learn. Do the Synchronization Exercise (I have 25 free episodes on Youtube and 200 more in the community) and learn the difference between guessing and knowing, trying and doing, powerlessness and power.

The Synchronization Exercises
The Community (start the free trial today)

My father taught me the importance of knowing how to fall. He used to remind me that I had to learn to control my falls. The best way to prevent them is to expect them.

When we practiced acro yoga with my partner, I realized I didn’t know how to fall from a shoulder stand. So, we spent the next 20 min practicing my fall. That gave me confidence and calmed down my nervous system. I learned what to expect and what my body was supposed to do to land softly.

My body learned to act in alignment with my mind. Now, instead of freezing, it’s moving in a controlled way and in the right direction.

Many students never practice falling or dealing with failure. They plan their practice routine as if every day is going to be their best way. “I’m going to practice my English skills for an hour every day”, they announce to me. And then life happens. Disappointments, setbacks, unmet expectations, heartbreak, numerous failures, lost motivation, discouragement, anger, powerlessness to their own habits and emotions take over… and they can’t get back up. They don’t expect the falls. Only triumphs.

But the more advanced we get, the more resilient we must get. Our progress slows. There’s not much new for us to learn. Our only practice is to put what we know into practice and continue supporting the person we’re becoming as we keep our word, stick to what we decided, and commit fully to improvement.

To learn is to change. If we change, we’ve learned something.

To change where you are right now, you must climb higher. To climb higher, you must learn to fall. This doesn’t mean you will have to fall many times. This means you’ll be able to land softly and get back up quickly. There will be many, many opportunities to fall. Not all of them are your invitations to quit. If you know how to fall, you don’t see the point in quitting.