Many people will struggle avoiding awkward silences or simply having meaningful and interesting conversations.

The problem in conversational skills is that there is a fine line between an interesting conversation and crossing your interlocutors boundaries. That’s for those who are courageous enough to speak up.

Others will face a different type of problem where they feel like their interlocutor is being invasive.

The trick I want to talk to you about today solves both issues.

This is a 3 step system that you can use over and over during the SAME conversation without it getting neither boring nor too invasive.

It goes like this.

1- Pick up a clue:

People talk.

They talk a lot.

But are you listening to everything?

Yes? You shouldn’t.

No? You should.

I know this might be confusing but let me explain.

You don’t have to listening to everything.

In fact, there are keywords you should focus on in order to filtrate the noise and useless information while still managing to stay involved in the conversation.

Keywords like “I like” “I love” “I was” or “I am”.

You get the idea.

You need to pay attention to when people give you more information about themselves, this is your ticket to controlling the conversation.

2- Ask!

Once you get your clue and topic, it’s time to ask an open-ended question.

Now that you’ve spotted a topic that interests them, you have to let them tell you more.

Now there are two potential scenarios:

1- You have no clue wtf they’re talking about

2- You have know what they’re talking about

This determines whether you will start the process again or not.

Let me explain.

3- Your turn to talk:

Let’s dig into each of the before-mentioned scenarios.

A- You’re clueless:

If that is the case, don’t dive right into the topic like an idiot.

Ask more.

In this scenario, you have to restart looking for cues to find a topic to which both of you converge and are knowledgeable; which makes the conversation more interesting and also brings you more opportunity to speak and exchange.

The good thing is, this can allow you to make your interlocutor talk more (it doesn’t mean you have to actively listen, you can give the illusion that you’re doing so; a topic for another post)

Even if you never reach a common topic (assuming you and your interlocutor are way too different) this allows you to drag the conversation longer and make your interlocutor talk more so you don’t have to.

Remember, people love to seem knowledgeable.

They will not miss an opportunity to “teach” something or simply talk about something they value.

B- You have a certain level of knowledge about the topic:

Your goal is almost attained.

At this stage, what you should be looking for is the limits of knowledge of your interlocutor about the topic you guys are discussing.

Once that is done; it is your opportunity to teach them something new; they’ll love you for it (as long as they do show signs of interest; which you can recognize through their body language.)

The goal and process of this technique is to drag the conversation longer without being intrusive.

It allows you to put in practice all aspects of a conversation:

1- Listening

2- Asking

3- Adding Value

You can never go wrong with this.

Bonus tip: Smile. I don’t need to explain this. Wait maybe I do.

Don’t smile all along long like a fanboy idiot.

Smile when they’re explaining something; show that you understand and appreciate their explanation.

This will bring you closer to your interlocutor and create feelings of intimacy.

Life becomes 10x better when you stop overthinking what people think about you and realize they rarely think about you at all.

Set your mind on a definite goal and observe how quickly the world stands aside to let you pass.

Focus on the process that leads you to the goal, not the goal.

Zen tip:

Maintain an irrational sense of humor. Take your life seriously, but live it playfully...

Most people are only capable of one or the other.

Without the former - you’ll be comfortable living without a purpose or mission, merely existing to survive.

But living with a serious heart is also an unnecessary burden. In fact, lightheartedness triples your creativity & effectiveness.

The supreme understanding in life is that success & failure are but man made illusions, no matter how alluring they seem. Ultimately, you aren’t getting out of life with anything.

So work extremely hard to create a life worth remembering, but be laid back.

Find the balance between drive & detachment, purpose & pleasure, relationships & solitude...

Formula to success:

- Double your rate of failure.

Nobody cares what you did yesterday.

What have you done today to better yourself?

A mistake is a signal that it is time to learn something new, something you don’t know before.

The greatest detachment is being close to everything and not letting it consume and own you.

7 ways you can improve your life with the power of silence:

1) Never defend yourself

Epictetus once said:

“If anyone tells you that such a person speaks ill of you, don’t make excuses about what is said of you, but answer: He does not know my other faults, else he would not have mentioned only these.”

Weak people hide their flaws and show off their strengths, wise people boast about their flaws without showing off their strengths.

Don’t be blinded by your own ego.

2) Never complain

Marcus Aurelius once said:

“Don’t be overheard complaining, not even to yourself”

Complaining is the easiest and most useless thing to do.

If it’s within your power to change a situation, do so. If it isn’t, change your perspective.

The mind gives up and gives in before the body does.

Endurance, perseverance and composure are stoic virtues.

3) Show, don’t tell

Marcus Aurelius said;

“Waste no time arguing how a good man should be. Be one”

Success is the result of what you do, not what you say you’ll do.

Convince with results, not with words.

4) Respond, don’t react

Cato the elder:

“The first virtue is to resist the tongue. He approaches nearest to God he who knows how to be silent.

A clear indicator of wisdom is how one responds to hostility.

Never give anyone the privilege of creating anger in you.

Be cool, calm and collected at all times.

5) Choose careful what you speak about

Pythagoras said:

“Be silent, or let thy words be worth more than silence.”

Waste no time indulging in celebrity gossips, backbiting or childish arguments.

6) Sit still

To quote Pascal:

“All of mans problem arises from his inability to sit in a quiet room alone.”

Overindulging in screen activities dulls the mind.

Learn to be comfortable in boredom, you don’t always have to be stimulated.

7) Seek truth

Naval rightly said:

“The closer you are to truth, the more silent you become.”

This is because inner silence is the mother of all virtues and self-discoveries.

Silence speaks loudest, you just have to learn to listen.



Stay Inspired 🥷

Building self-confidence is the art of keeping the promises you made to yourself.

Anything that gives you a dopamine hit without having to do any work is an enemy.

Self-control your emotions, don't force them out.

Be more aware of which situation gets which reaction and why.

Learn to take care of your own mind.

Nourish it, enrich it, refine it, and harvest it.

Rather than trying to solve the problems of others, look after your own.

Rumi once said,

“Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself.”

Change the inside and the outside will fall into place.

Be very careful while you consume content that's pleasurable to the mind

It can corrupt you

While you're enjoying the content and getting mesmerized by it, information is being sent in your mind

Everything you read is getting stored inside you head in the exact way the writer wants it. You'll never even notice it because the beautiful words have taken your attention

This is how your mind gets programmed. By grabbing your attention while they silently feed information

The only escape is to become aware and act consciously. Stop lurking around mindlessly.

Fear of failure is higher when you're not working on the problem.

Stop listening to people who tell you your vision is too big.

You are only restrained by the shackles you choose to clasp on yourself.

Stressing eating is normal, fasting is weird

Fitting in is normal, thinking for yourself is weird

Binge streaming is normal, binge reading is weird

Medicating with stimulants is normal, meditating in solitude is weird

If normies call you weird, you're doing something right...

What you do today with your free time determines how much free time you will have a few years from now.