The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which
was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and
has accepted a five year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour
of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less
letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters. After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a realy sensibl
riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it
ezi to understand each ozer

ZE DREAM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!

两周前，中国的经济形势极其危险！

我设定的超高关税，实际上切断了中国进入世界最大市场——美国市场的贸易通道。我们实质上对中国采取了立即停止（Cold Turkey） 的策略，这对他们造成了毁灭性打击。

许多工厂倒闭，说得委婉些，出现了“社会动荡”。我看到了这种情况，我不喜欢这样——是为他们，而不是为我们着想。

为了将他们从我预见的糟糕局面中解救出来，我与中国达成了一项快速协议。我不希望看到那种（糟糕的）情况发生。

因为这个协议，一切迅速稳定下来，中国也恢复了正常运转。大家都高兴了！这就是好消息！

坏消息是，中国——对某些人来说可能并不意外——已经严重违反了与我们的协议。

看来，当“好人”的回报不过如此！