I'm fucking paranoid to talk. I don't want to lose any more friends now that I've lost two and can't fucking speak to my mom without being stressed the fuck out

Of course it's just my character, nothing else, I'm just an insensitive asshole.

of course it's all my fault and I need to hear about it every day

of course it's fine to scream at me when I haven't done something because I'm exhausted

of course what I am doing is completely and utterly pointless

of course I can survive without the emotional support of my friends, alone, on my own

of course it's fine to snap at me at every single thing I said wrong

of course it's completely fine that I broke down multiple times while trying to ask my mom to not be as harsh to me

on my fucking birthday

Yeah, I've fucked up my own life.

And I slowly keep on fucking it up even further.

Because I'm a weak piece of shit.

Because I don't do the things I'm supposed to because I'm lazy.

I don't fucking know how to relieve stress.

The only thing I can reasonably do is just sit and scream here and it's just not working.

Talking does not work, it just stresses me out even further because I get met with constant criticism about things that are true but completely irrelevant

She never fucking apologized. For anything. She's so fucking cold and I can tell that she's just disappointed

(The above is mostly about my mom)

I'm so fucking tired. I just want to rest. I can't fucking do this any longer.

She's not going to fucking help me do things around the house purely out of spite. She said it herself. And every time I don't make my bed or wash all the dishes I get the same condescending tone