It's kinda fun when all this time you thought you could understand people just fine and then two snap at you out of fucking nowhere in a span of a single day and you have no clue how you caused it or what you can do to see if you're doing the same for everyone else you are interacting with
I have a headache from oversleeping and stomach pains from not eating much with zero appetite
Maybe I'm just trying to make people pity me - like, hey, I have something to complain about.
After months upon months of leading a perfectly happy life and inevitably fucking it up because I've been conditioned to think that I don't deserve to complain
(Note: I am referring to the part of tumblr that will excuse their shitty behavior with a mental illness they do not actually have)
I didn't want to be one of those people. Nor did I want a mental illness in the first place. I thought what I was experiencing was normal and I was just a lazy piece of shit.
I have (fairly expensive) antidepressants (that my mom does not want to buy) which is not what I fucking wanted. I did not want to solve my social anxiety because it's going away already (if my mom wouldn't fuck it up every once in a while), I wanted to solve the fucking numbness and complete detachment of my internal feelings
And all I got as a response was "oh it's just some coldness of your character, that's normal"
But I don't think I should be having to carefully calculate every single fucking response
Thankfully, I'm getting better at it. Saph, who I've known since.. 2013? maybe earlier? told me that until recently she thought of me as cold and emotionless
But I'm honestly starting to question whether I'm able to interpret others' feelings correctly