welp, my mom just screamed at me over the phone again

I have a headache from oversleeping and stomach pains from not eating much with zero appetite

I don't know where I am going with this.

Maybe I'm just trying to make people pity me - like, hey, I have something to complain about.

After months upon months of leading a perfectly happy life and inevitably fucking it up because I've been conditioned to think that I don't deserve to complain

Fuck you, tumblr and your incredibly shit community.

(Note: I am referring to the part of tumblr that will excuse their shitty behavior with a mental illness they do not actually have)

I didn't want to be one of those people. Nor did I want a mental illness in the first place. I thought what I was experiencing was normal and I was just a lazy piece of shit.

And from my talks with the psych I'm leaning towards the latter.

I have (fairly expensive) antidepressants (that my mom does not want to buy) which is not what I fucking wanted. I did not want to solve my social anxiety because it's going away already (if my mom wouldn't fuck it up every once in a while), I wanted to solve the fucking numbness and complete detachment of my internal feelings

And all I got as a response was "oh it's just some coldness of your character, that's normal"

Like.. this guy's a professional

But I don't think I should be having to carefully calculate every single fucking response

Thankfully, I'm getting better at it. Saph, who I've known since.. 2013? maybe earlier? told me that until recently she thought of me as cold and emotionless

But I'm honestly starting to question whether I'm able to interpret others' feelings correctly

</rant>

Here's a cute dog pic:

Not being able to apologize is kind of eating away at me.

Especially that people are tellng me completely different things about what I should do