Don't be misled, "Elder" is the lowest ranking title in the Mormon church

it's mormin time

the book of mormon doesn't even start until like 18 pages in

it spends the first 18 pages going "trust me bro this is THE shit"

the introduction starts with "The Book of Mormon is a volume of holy scripture comparable to the Bible."

self fellating much?

Okay, wow, 2 paragraphs into the introduction and I already see problems.

for context, the BOM claims that in 600 B.C., jews from Jerusalem fled to the Americas and split into 2 tribes: the Nephites and the Lamanites.

my physical copy, printed in 2009, says the following at the end of the second paragraph:
"...all were destroyed except the Lamanites, and they are the principal ancestors of the American Indians."

but my online app version says: "...all were destroyed except the Lamanites, and they are among the ancestors of the American Indians."

After over a century with 0 genetic or archeological evidence to the fact that Native Americans descend from Jews, they retroactively changed *the first words of their base faith text*

what follows the overly self-fellating introduction is... 5 pages of more gratuitous oral slop

"The Testimony of the Three Witnesses" and "The Testimony of the Eight Witnesses" and "Testimony of the Prophet Joseph Smith"

1. "Fr bros and sisters we seen those golden plates and Joseph Smith translated them with the power of God. Also we saw an Angel. Amen."
2. "Jo Smith showed us these golden plates. They were rhe bee's knees. No we're not lying"

the third is... basically a 4 page accounting on how the revelation and translation process went down

in Jo. Smith's own words

while praying before bed he saw an angel in his room
he was glowing and white, and wearing pure white robes
his name was Moroni and he wanted Joseph to find the golden plates and translate the true message of God for the whole world
he dug where the angel said to and found a set of gold plated, two seer stones in silver bowls, called Urim and Thummin, and a breastplate
God told him to not show them to anyone ever unless told to
the angel left
but then immediately came back and said the exact same thing verbatim, but added that great judgements are coming
but Joseph was very eepy, so the angel appeared AGAIN and said the same thing AGAIN but added that Satan would tempt Joseph to sell the plates for money
angel left and by then it was already morning
Jo went to work but found his frail white boy body even weaker than usual
he collapsed and once again saw the angel say THE EXACT SAME THING but then added that he should go tell his dad abt the vision
his dad said "go check that place then, duh" and so he did
he dug them up but was unable to take them out, the angel appeared and said that now was not the time, and he should return in 4 years
he dug them up then and started translating
then gave them back to the angel
theeee end
see Pearl of Great Price and our other propaganda books for more details

afterwards is a "brief explanation" of the book, which I'll just take a picture of

and now I'll go to bed
for tomorrow, I start
The First Book of Nephi

Rise and shine dickwads

But before then, there are some drawings

Jebus Christ