Feeling good all the time is impossible.

It isn't real.

And if you've seen me laughing, talking, being calm, or acting like everything is okay, that doesn't mean that's all of me.

You may read a lot of what I write here.

You may think you understand me because you've seen my thoughts written down.

But you will never know all of me.

And think about how many people you know.

You see them laughing. You see them going out. You see them answering your messages. You see them living their lives.

And you assume you know them.

But maybe you only know the version of them they know how to show.

I am none of them.

I am not one feeling.

I can feel good and bad at the same time.

I can laugh while something inside me hurts.

I can be surrounded by people and still feel strangely alone.

I can tell you I'm fine because I genuinely don't know how to explain that I'm not.

And when I feel bad, I have so many words for it.

Sad. Tired. Empty. Lost. Overwhelmed. Heavy. Numb.

But somehow, none of them feels like the right one.

Because sometimes "sad" is too small.

"Empty" doesn't explain the noise.