Ten months had already passed, and I can say that the greatest achievement I had done—so far—is to wake up each day and stay still, despite having many reasons to give up. There are days that sadness weighs heavier than myself, but I chose not to be swayed by the thought of letting it dragged me down—instead, I dragged my own feet to keep on going. I've had my share of this life's breakdown and downfall. And each time it happens, I learnt to stand back up stronger with the notion in my head that this might happen again—but by that time, we know how to deal with it better than before.

I can't let melancholy win over me now; I've had enough of grief and pain. It's all fine to face it again and again—that's just how life is—but I'll make sure to feel happiness on most of my days.

—Ren Ednalig, The Storytellers

Sometimes, I feel so lonely and empty. I feel like I'm not getting any better. There is this emptiness in me that wants me to stop waking-up in the morning. I feel so tired. It seems like I don't have the energy to face the world anymore. I just want to sleep so that I would never feel lonely. I want to escape from all the feelings that's been haunting me.

I feel so alone every night. Whenever I close my eyes, I wish I would never wake-up anymore. But I wake-up every morning and I have no other choice but to keep going. Life must go on even how lonely my life is. It's sad to bear this kind of feeling. A part of me wants to die, while there is a little part of me that wants to be saved too.

I miss being fine. I miss living a normal life. And I miss feeling something. I wish the feeling of emptiness will just disappear when I wake-up. I want to feel a little less lonely every day until I feel okay. But I don't know why it's just so hard to be okay. Even how hard I try, I still end up feeling lonely. And most of the time, it's trying to kill me.

— Shiori X

“Life changes. You lose love. You lose friends. You lose pieces of yourself that you never imagined would be gone. And then, without you even realizing it, these pieces come back. New love enters. Better friends come along. No matter how bad it gets.

Better days are always coming.”

Dear life..

Please don't make me cry again and again. i don't have any shoulder to cry upon, i'm all alone. : (

Sadvibes

𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬:
1. 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞.
2. 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐭.

It's okay..
You'll be okay.
Maybe not now but one day you will.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing your best already.

Maybe you're feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted. Maybe you feel like giving up everything all at once because you just had enough..

But you're stronger than this.
I believe in you.

Some souls suffer silently.

I am tired of explaining myself. I know I come with a true but rude tongue. I know I am a hard person to be with. But please, don’t expect me to keep explaining myself to you. I am not standing in the court, defending myself against murder charges. I am not answerable to your “judgments.” I might be a difficult person. But I am not fake. So if you doubt me or my intentions, then just get the hell out of my life. Keep your doubts, judgments, and fears to yourself. If you can’t trust someone, then again, go to hell. But don’t keep telling me that “I can’t trust you.” I don’t care. I don’t want your trust. I don’t want you to believe me. I don’t want you in my life. I am not living to please you. I am living for my own happiness and my peace. You can stay only if you don’t ruin any of them. My life is not a battle in which you are the trophy. Find someone that worthless and desperate for whom you will be that winning trophy. For me, you are equal. If it’s about trust, we both need to trust. If it’s about efforts, we both make efforts. Nobody is doing any favor on anyone here. So if I give you space and trust, I expect the same from you.

I am sick of people coming and telling me that I “seem” like this and that kind of person. Do you know me? Do you know my story? Do you know my heart? No. You don’t. You are just a judgmental fool. And I don’t want this negativity in my life anymore. I have wasted enough time, explaining to people what I meant, what my intentions were. It’s all about trust. That trust has to be pure and blind. If your soul does not whisper that “trust this person,” then there is no point in us being anything. We should stay strangers. You live your life. I live mine. No fights, no arguments, no explanations, no drama, only peace we will have in our lives. I have no emotions and time left for people who don’t see the goodness in me, who can’t see the purity of my heart. You are blind. And that’s your problem. You deal with it. Don’t come with your problem to me. I am not interested in your mess. Trust me and stay or doubt me and leave. Choice is yours.

~ Rahul Kaushik

Please, if you’re struggling.

With anything. Or with everything.

Please, look to those of us who have come before you. Who have survived. When we never thought that we could survive.

Please know that we speak to you not in platitudes. Or to give false hope.

For we have been there.

On the floor. Crying so hard that our insides hurt. & we feared a neighbor might hear.

We tell you these stories of survival not to speak about ourselves. Or for attention.

We tell you these stories because we know.

The pain. The hopelessness.

& the lack of connection.

We were there.

When the thought of surviving another second seemed like an impossibility. Let alone another minute, or day.

We understand.

Because we have lived it.

And survived it. & are actively surviving it.

And because somehow, someway, we have rebuilt. & are actively rebuilding.

My heart will always hurt. As will yours.

But I am here.

Because even when I did not want to give myself another day.

I gave myself another day.

To grieve. To hope. To love.

& to live.

I am asking you not to believe what I say, today.

I’m asking you to give yourself another day, so that one day ~ you might believe what I say.

Life through all of its pain & in a much different way, can be beautiful Again. ❤️

jp.

i feel better when i’m alone.

I hope you choose kindness. Even when others are being cruel. When someone asks you to give them your heart all warm and full of trust, and they give you something makeshift and full of barbed wire in return: be kind. Some people need to feel your heart wrap around them more than you know.

—Kristen Robinson

I am a happy person, you know. I would be the last person on earth to crib and cry about life. But lately, I have lost my spark. I hardly laugh. And I just fake that smile. It’s been going on for a while now. Earlier, I ignored it as some sort of weird mood swing. But it is growing, daily. And daily I feel more and more withdrawn, more tired, more confused, and more sad. And more than sadness, I am getting frustrated because I don’t know the exact reason for this change. I can’t pinpoint a person or an event. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just so weird for me to be sad. How can I be sad? But I have realized that sadness can hit us all. The reasons can be small or big, or no reasons at all. We hardly understand life and emotions. We just try to make sense out of things. And sometimes, nothing makes sense. And I have accepted that I won’t be able to understand this mess. I can just embrace it and fight it. Or I can just give up. And I have given up at times, to be honest. I did resign to my fate. I did fall weak. I did curse God. I did cry helplessly. But then, I was never a loser. I can’t just quit on life. So here I am writing it all down, trying to make some sense out of this crazy feeling.

I don’t know whether you feel it too. But it’s kind of heavy, you know. It all gets a little heavy in the environment around you. You feel the heavy air around you. The surroundings seem dull. There is no vibe, no energies, just numbness. And people just seem irritating, everyone. Even a hello is like “Oh God, no, why?” You just want to be left alone and suffer that silence yet again. You don’t want to share how you are feeling because you tried once and it sucked. People don’t get it. It’s you and you alone who have to fight this. It gets so hard to enjoy even your favorite songs. It’s like your soul has forgotten those lyrics, that beat. Your favorite food does not hit you the same anymore. You have become someone else. And that’s the journey now, to find out what you have become, why, and for how long. I am on that journey now. I am on my way to find myself again.

~ Rahul Kaushik

“I want to explain how exhausted I am. Even in my dreams. How I wake up tired. How I’m being drowned by some kind of black wave.”
~Elizabeth Wurtzel

// All I wished for, was for you to be gentle and to be a little kind when I told you that I was tired, instead of telling me that I was going to crush the world by giving up - when all I needed was for you to sit beside me and comfort me with your silence - M.

And one just wants to live quiet days,
Prevent sudden heartbreaks,
And to realize her dreams that she seeks,
And may the days pass in peace.

You will understand when you get older that pain must be experience. More than once, your heart will be broken, and each time it will hurt worse.

You'll hurt people so much that you'll isolate yourself and come to believe that it's best to be alone yourself. Because you'll feel that time is flying by too quickly, you'll experience those restless nights and endless meltdowns.

Love, don't be frightened to show your vulnerability. You get to see everyone's genuine colors, which is the nicest thing about the worst days of your life.

Because your darkness is a hint that a light is waiting for you, don't be scared to be open and vulnerable and never run from it.

— Balt Rodriguez

"well then, aren't you tired of yourself?"

the waves crash against each other. the smell of salty sea air, cool wind in my hair.

"why do you keep having the same conversations for years? when are you going to change? how much are you going to regret? are you never going to stop?"

i shut my ears. the faint sound of waves lapping on the shore remains.

"what if your life passes you by and you never learn? what if you die carrying these heavy regrets?"

maybe i'll run, i think. i stand up and run barefoot in the sand. it's tiring.

"how long are you going to run? someday you'll run out of places to run to."

i stop and look around. if i hide, will someone come to find me? are they even aware of my presence or my absence?

only if i had a time machine....

"who can guarantee that you won't have any regrets then?"

at least, i would have less regrets. at least, i would not be the worst person to sabotage myself. then, maybe... maybe, i could have saved my soul.

"but wasn't it you who made mistakes? how do you know you won't make any in future? how do you know you won't be responsible once again for your own heartache?"

i walk towards the lapping waves. the laughter of kids echoes.

then what should i do?

"move on."

easier said than done.

"you are so miserable because you keep living in your yesterdays. aren't you tired of looking back at things that cannot change? people are complex creatures. yet, you keep comparing yourself to others, and your own past self. it is not that easy. your situations are different."

i close my eyes and breathe slowly.

"be careful of your mistakes but don't let it cast shadows on your future. if you keep living in the past, nothing will change. someday, you will come to mourn this day, too. you will come to mourn everything. in order to move on, you need to leave. there is no arrival without departure. you must live in the present."

i open my eyes and sit down, marvelling at the melting sun. the kids keep on laughing. the salty sea wind continues to sweep across the shores.

— Rae Pathak, moving on.

“Note to self: Nobody is worth stressing over. Move on. It’s ok to leave people behind. Go find yourself. The world is yours. Life goes on.”