i usually deal with my own problems alone and i automatically distance myself from everyone once i feel sad and tired for some reason. i don't ask for help that often, even from my close friends, because i don't want to be a burden on them. besides, i don't know how to ask for help, so i just disappear and fix myself, then return once i feel better. some ppl think that i'm too aloof and being too distance from them, but that's just who i am and i badly want them to understand that.

Sometimes I feel so alone even when I'm surrounded with people. I feel so empty even when some people try to make me happy. I'm so sick of this feeling. I feel so incomplete and a part of me feels so broken. My mind couldn't stop thinking too much. There is a monster inside my head that tells me I'm worthless, I'm miserable, and I'm completely lost in the dark.

I feel like I am slowly losing myself. And I'm silently tearing apart for the fact that I couldn't even help myself. This life feels like a nightmare to me. I wish I would wake-up feeling something again. One day, I wish all the negative feelings I have will just be gone so that I could live a normal life.

— Shiori X

There are times where I feel like I'm slowly drowning in sadness. I honestly don't know how to deal with it especially when midnight arrives and I couldn't sleep because of it. It hurts to see me this way, I feel like I spend so much time being sad about the things that I couldn't control. Sometimes, I wake-up feeling so unhappy and it makes me want to sleep for a long period of time until every thing feels okay again. But why do I feel this constant sadness in my heart? I guess there are just really some people in my life that make me sad. There are just some things that I couldn't control in my head and I feel like I would always remember all those things that once hurt me. I wish I could just simply let go of this sadness. But how could I ever do that when every time I wake-up, I feel like my heart is tearing apart?

— Shiori X

"𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙖𝙙𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙨 𝙨𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩, 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙘𝙧𝙮." -𝙉𝙞𝙠𝙞𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙪

Hey little dreamer,

Your heart might be a little envious or maybe confused as to why your clock is moving slower compared to the others. You might be sulking in the corner—asking what has happened or where did it all went wrong. But know that it's all part of the process.

Some of the successful journeys require you to tear yourself apart in order to build a better version. A version that you have been waiting for—that you've been praying for a while.

And when your time comes, you will reminisce this very moment—as to why the universe had to tear you apart. You will understand why you have to go through all those obstacles and exhausting breakdowns.
—K. RDV.

Let me tell you one thing — pain demands to be felt. Everytime you're trying to be strong, handle all your problems alone, pushing other people away that only wants to help you're only causing further damage to your own heart. Stop convincing yourself that you're indestructible and made up of titanium when in fact your heart is naturally fragile. Let me tell you that it's okay to be soft , it doesn't make you weak. It's okay to be vulnerable, to open up sometimes, to cry and feel the tears of your innocent emotions.
But I promise you that all those pain is shaping you to become the better version of yourself
Like every other soul in this universe you're allowed to hurt and to break and like any fragile hearts in this world you're allowed to heal without doubting yourself if you can make it.

—Balt

Hey,
It's not selfish to put yourself first in some situations.
It's totally fine to lose people to find your inner peace.
It's okay to stay away from situations that make you feel unapprecited.

It's totally your right to surround yourself with positivity and positive people.

i had to endure life’s predicaments to get where i am now. i promised myself that i will give her the life she deserves—the life that she’s working hard for. believe me, i’ll do anything just to make it happen. i didn’t went all through that hardships for nothing.

- "This year took a lot from me, and it exhausted me in an unbearable way."

Sometimes everything inside you is crying, except your eyes.

"Sometimes that sadness gets so deep in your heart, that you can’t even cry."

“Saying I'm fine has destroyed me, the feeling of alienation has consumed me, I have never felt that this world suits me.”

Insomnia is the hardest thing
No one can imagine how much interrupted sleep is. etts
Especially when it’s on a daily basis, with no days off!!

Sometimes it can be fun. More than applying a full night without sleep!
Sleep but your brain is awake and you feel that everyone around you is making an effort when you are asleep more than when you are awake.

An open letter to myself:

I always wanted to say sorry to you because, most of the time, I fail to love and appreciate you. I always tend to forget that you are special too. I don't value you sometimes, and I even think that you are worthless. I want to say sorry to you for all the times that I've never been kind to you. I should've been more gentle with you. I should've reminded you every day that you were worthy. I should've made you believe that you were enough. I'm sorry— you didn't deserve all the pain that I've caused you.

I want you to know right now that you deserve to love yourself more each day. Speak kind words in front of the mirror and remind yourself that you are a beautiful soul. I want you to know that you should stop settling for less than what you deserve and start finding your worth. You are enough. You are worthy. And most importantly, your existence matters every day.

"Sometimes, crying is the only way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is." - Unknown

crazy how your trauma isn't your fault but you have to take full responsibility for your healing.

Lately I’ve decided to detach myself from some people.

My friends didn’t understand why I’ve been withdrawing myself from social activities. They didn’t understand my reasons, so I stopped explaining. I didn’t reply to messages except if they’re important. I didn’t go out of the house except when I have to buy my food.

You see, sometimes you have to be alone to appreciate loneliness. Loneliness needs not to be as lonely as you think. It gives you a chance to discover your inner self–your true self–when not surrounded by the noise of the world. It gives you an opportunity to explore your mind and to realize greater thoughts. It provides you a time for recollection and faith renewal.

Moreover, it’s in being alone that I appreciated my own company. I discovered my weaknesses and found ways to overcome them. Being alone allowed me to be creative, to spend my time writing things I’ve never even thought about.

I think I will continue down this path for a while.

Appreciate loneliness. You will discover your true strength.

-appreciating loneliness, hanzel writes

sincerely, me.