patriarchy, socialization, masculinity

"we lock boys inside their bodies, too

we don't teach them to cry or be tender, we don't offer softness as an option.. we don't show them how to self-soothe or reach out for support. they learn that intimacy means sex and anything else is excessively emotional. they learn to fear the way their own body could emasculate them if they touch it wrong.they learn that they must be big because being small means being belittled. to be masculine is to assert power and dominance, and so love, or any other emotion, should always be about asserting power and dominance, too. friendship with other men is just a friendly competition, the opposite of vulnerability. deep connection is dangerous, a threat to masculinity; and admitting loneliness or helplessness is admitting defeat.

we see the abuse of sex and rage and power; we see the emotional immaturity and the lack of reciprocity and depth; we wonder how such a profound alienation from one's own humanity and the humanity of others even came into existence - as if we didn't isolate them and put a cage around their hearts when they were small, making it impossible for them to grow any bigger. is it really so surprising that many wind up behaving like caged animals?"