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The official Telegram of the charismatic host of Out of Touch with Kai Schwemmer, engaged in a forever war against booby conservatives!
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Subject: First week in Mendoza!

Hey all! Sorry for the radiosilence last week, didn't get a chance to message until today! (My p days are Mondays from now on). Needless to say lots has happened! I finished my time at the CCM and wished my district well, the next morning we woke up at 4:30am to board the bus for the airport, we took off around 9 and had a 9 hour flight. When we landed we were picked up by a man with tattoos all over his neck and arms who showed us to our bus. One of the Hermanas was certain we were being kidnapped. Luckily this was not the case and we arrived at our hotel for the evening safe and sound, I was put with a Latino comp from buenas aires for the night, the next morning (3 hours later) I wished the remaining CCM amigos goodbye and went to the airport to catch the flight to Mendoza! All went smoothly, the first day we just got oriented and then crashed at the oficina because we were all tired from the traveling, and the next day we started with things!
We did an activity to find our new companions, we would approach the group of missionaries, introduce ourselves and ask if we could share a message about the gospel, if they replied no, they weren't our companions.

Regarding my companion I only knew he'd been serving for 20 months already, but I told everyone I'd find him first try, and I did!
My companion is elder Tevez from Buenos Aires, I'm going to be his last comp before he finished his mission! It's been a challenge speaking only Spanish but I've been getting around pretty well.
There's almost too much to share given that I have to cover two weeks of experiences but the summary is:
People have been very impressed with my Spanish or at least my accent when I tell them I've only been in the mission for a couple days, but I've still got a super far way to go.
I had my first street contact with a man named Miguel was selling churros in the street, I understood him pretty well which was surprising given the fact he had few teeth, in fact, he had only 2 teeth, one upper and one lower, but he was awesome.
We've been using this week to get to know the members of the ward, they're all so loving and fantastic, the ward is pretty big too! Over 100 members and our area only covers the one ward!

Now about our area...

The area I'm serving in is called La Gloria, it's an area "muy peligroso" (very sketchy/dangerous) (SORRY MOM)
One of the missionaries working in the mission office said these parting words to me regarding the area: "I'm not even gonna tell you some of the stories I've heard from missionaries in la Gloria"
I'm thinking: GEE THANKS
But all things considered it's a great place to start the mission, I need to get good at being aware of my surroundings, being confident in the environment and being familiar with poorer environments.
La Gloria is a pretty poor area, many of the homes have been self built and there's a lot of dangerous parts, especially after dark.
But the people are amazing and so welcoming to the missionaries.
There's also TONS of street animals, lots of dogs and cats too, we've made plenty of friends.

Now the fun part! (SORRY MOM)

On day 2 we were nearly robbed, as we were returning to our pensión (apartment, which is luckily In a very safe part of the neighborhood) we spotted 3 guys standing on the other side of the road, we kept our distance but Elder Tevez saw one put up his hood and take out a gun, Elder Tevez said run and we took off.
They didn't pursue us, they just turned back around and we made it home safe but it was quite an exciting start to our service!
Hope everyone in the states (and around the world) is doing well! If you'd like to write me I love reading and responding to your messages.

All the best, Elder Schwemmer!
Subject: Happy Easter!

Hey there all you happy people, I made it another week! Week two was a little busier and slightly faster than the first, at the start we had an exchange which is when we switch comps and sometimes areas for 24hs I was with Elder Frette in Gutierrez. Gutierrez is a more urban part of this zone in the mission which was cool, fewer self made houses and animals on the street but there were still plenty to go around.

It did however make me appreciate the pensión Elder tevez and I have much more, we'd always joke that the Gutierrez pensión is a mansion because in reality it was very small but I didn't realize how small it was until I got there.

It's a tiny bathroom, little room to study, a hallway with a kitchen and a room to sleep in with bunkbed and very little space otherwise. You have to duck when entering the bedroom because the doorway is so low. Nevertheless it was a blast!

Elder Frette and I had a good time and taught a family of recent converts, after hearing I was German the mother of the family mentioned reading Nietzsche so we discussed his philosophy a bit, in my broken Spanish.

I feel my Spanish has improved a lot but there are still plenty of people who speak so quickly (or toothless) that I can't get much. 

This week and in all the time in my mission I've been realizing more and more how God answers prayers, and quickly! It seems every night I pray about something whether it be language, companionship, teaching opportunities etc, I find I receive my answer often the next day! I've started keeping track of what I pray for and reflecting each evening so I can keep track of all the answers I've gotten and remember to thank God for his wisdom and quick replies, as it's often not the case.

Before heading out to church this Sunday Elder Tevez reminded me to bring my oil which was a good call because we used it to give a sister a blessing! She's older and is having a surgery tomorrow and isn't actually a member but regularly attends church along with her sister, we've been trying to find thek all week so it was nice to have this experience! 

Saturday we had lunch with familia Garcia, Hermano Garcia welded together a mannequin of sorts which he calls Wilson to train with, we spent a good hour doing martial arts training and pull-ups (I got 14, shooting for 20+) and what's even better, HE HAS WEIGHTS! We're trying to go to his house to train on P days now. 

This is officially the longest I've been away from home, prior record was set in Germany a few years back with something like 36 days, I think this PR is gonna be much higher though. 

Loved general conference last week and the focus on cutting contention out of our lives, I talked about this a lot before I left so it feels good when the prophet and multiple apostles can back me up lol.

As much as it is possible we ought to strive to live peaceably with all men.
 
Hope everyone is doing swell! I love getting your emails. - Elder Schwemmer Kai.schwemmer@missionary.org 
1. Elder Frette and I
2. Mongey 
3. Hermano Garcia and "wilson"
4. Preparing for a baptism
5. The district
6. Eepy kitty
7. *crack* *siiiiiip*
Subject: ¡Estamos de buelta!

I've finally found my way into the part of the mission where it starts to become normal and the time passes faster. This week started off a little tough but the challenge was quickly rewarded with the best week I've had yet in the field. We got some rain this week and had cold weather which made for some very cozy work, reading the scriptures and listening to classical or the tabernacle choir while sitting next to the pensions heater and looking outside to see light reflect on the wet streets made every evening amazing.

We had some busy days and some less busy days but all together success in finding new people to teach! We've got a few people as well who are progressing quickly and may want to be baptized soon which is super exciting.

I had an exchange with the elders in maipu (the city) this week as well which was nice, La Gloria (My area) is more rural so seeing stores, busy streets and people all around was a nice change.

Unfortunately the people in the city are much harder, I believe the constant movement of work, traffic, music and more makes it difficult to feel the spirit and many times we don't make time or don't think it necessary to make time for God.

La Gloria is the opposite, the people aren't very wealthy in the things of the world but they are the kindest and most receptive to the things pertaining to the Lord. One family for example invited us in and although they were not a part of any church or eager to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints they were delighted to hear us discuss scripture and the teachings of prophets today and in the past.

Don't worry Catholic friends, we haven't converted any of your people yet kek, most of the catholics here aren't particularly active but do have many images and every plaza has a shrine to Mary. The most common interaction however is not with catholics as you might expect in Argentina but rather evangelicals. I had my first experience discussing Sola scriptura with one during my exchange, my companion let me know after wards that the man had referenced revelation in order to disprove the necessity for further revelation or tradition past the Bible alone, it's in moments like these I wish my Spanish were better and I could clarify the verse in revelation applied solely to that book and not the entirety of Canon or tradition which was to come. Oh well, luckily those missionaries have another appointment with him soon.

The week ended with a real blessing, I saw an angel, and his name was Fabìan.

Only a joke of course but Hermano Garcia was an answer to prayers. I write in my journal every night what I pray for in an effort to be more appreciative and heartfelt in all my prayers, I also return to these notes days later reflecting on if my prayers have been answered. The day prior I had prayed for an opportunity to lift weights, and upon inviting us into his home the first thing we saw in the casa of Hermano Garcia was a bench and dumbells.

I eagerly engaged in conversation about lifting with him, he's an avid lifter and enjoyed my object lessons of the weight of our sins and Christ as our spotter (killer lesson).

He invited us to train in the mornings using his equipment and although it may sounds silly to many of you this seriously was a blessing to me.

Today is already day 20 in the field, nearly a month, and every experience is impacted and wonderful, especially the difficult ones 
I exhort you to pray for the strength to do hard things, and the ability to enjoy struggling through them as well.
 
God bless you all, please feel free to write me Kai.schwemmer@missionary.org
Subject: Mate, lo mejor

Aaaand I'm thinking I'm a proper Argentinian now.

Mate is a staple of Argentinian culture, it's a tea like drink with a metal straw, loose Yerba leaves prepared in a specific cup and in a specific fashion. It's an acquired taste but everyone in Argentina drinks mate, and now, I do too. 

But it wasn't just the mate that made this a great week, this week I was able to see the workings of the spirit in the people we taught and see the fruits of our labors.

We had some new contacts this week, met new people and even spent a whole day with one of the youth in the ward so that he could experience a full day as a missionary to prepare to serve his own mission! 

I also taught English to his younger brother which was lots of fun, only problem is I don't recall much of the grammar since I learned it in 2nd grade, but I working bsckwards from my time learning Spanish I gave him some tips on how to recognize stem changes or suffixes.

I had a great experience in the importance of being prepared, I always bring my vial of oil with me to bless in case I need it and this week I did. We met a member named juan on the street outside his house, totally by coincidence, he's been inactive for years, but he greeted us asked us to come inside and then asked if we could give him a blessing. We anointed his head with the consecrated oil and I said the blessing for it, in Spanish, I need some practice. When we finished the blessing he began crying, we all felt the spirit.

This Sunday was a perfect culmination of our efforts, both Juan and one of contact's, a young woman named Daiana attended church! It was new for daiana but the women of the ward greeted her warmly and we could see she was being made to feel right at home.

Juan was welcomed back by all and many members came up to greet him, I once again felt the spirit strongly and was humbled at the thought that I had been an instrument in the hands of the lord in gathering his sheep.

These verses in Alma 26 summarize my feelings perfectly.
 
11 But Ammon said unto him: I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. 12 Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever 
 
Love you all, do good, as much as you able live peaceably with all men! God loves you