I may not be sure about what things I want in my life or what I want from "the life" but the one thing which I'm sure about is what I really don't want in my life.

I may not know my likes but I'm aware of my dislikes!

I have a few role models in my life.

But what really worked for me is anti role models.

Because I have seen some people and all I thought to myself is that I really don't want to be like them or end up like them and also seen situations where I don't want to be in and can't really imagine myself in that situation.

People say they're not good at saying no!
But I'm.
But the problem is after I say no, I get an instant guilt that you can't do a small thing and some wierd thoughts get in my brain and then I do the same thing for which I said no a moment ago.

I fear god a lot and also believes in karma. The whole concept of karma is two way. But I solely focus upon one that is if I do bad, it will surely come back to me. I'm more concerned about myself. I don't think about other people karma if they do bad to me.

Somehow me believing in karma has to do something with my guilt after saying no!

Girls are not that appreciated doing all the household work because now the society sees this as a very common thing which comes naturally if you're a girl. So for getting the appreciation you're looking for you have to go all out of your way. You regularly cleaning the house, making tea, serving food and taking care of them is not enough. These are fundamental things. Everyone does!
But if done by the opposite gender that's a great deal.
If you have done something being a boy that's a great deal because the society wasn't expecting from you in the first place.
Nevertheless I appreciate my baba, papa, and chota bhai for never making me feel that way!
But who's going to tell the society that's it's normal to study if you have only 2 days for your exam.
If your chota bhai and baba is helping you out there's nothing wrong.
It's not the mistake of the society also. She may be finding this concept foreign as she grew up in the same home and this wasn't the atmosphere before. But with time people change themselves for thier loved ones.
They go all out of the way to support their daughters so that they can do thier best in the field where people expect the least from them and get appreciation there because that's a great deal for them as it is done by a woman!

My brother often says that I make him laugh
Also says that similar lame jokes were cracked in his classroom as well but that doesn't make him laugh.

Win isn't just your alone! It is a collective win of many people.
It comes with many small small efforts taken by many people who supported you, guided you and helped you out.
You can't repay them back.
So always ensure you help others the same way other helped you!

I never thought that it would be that tough to leave your home!
But this is what you wanted right!?
So why are you having this mixed feelings!?
It feels like i can't do that shit all by myself in a different city with a difficult course without my family.
How can I live without my brother!?
Who will help him in his studies!?
How will I manage without them!?
I'm crying inspite of promising myself that I'll be a strong girl!
There are chances that I can get a college in my place but they say life lessons are learned when you get out of your place.
Dear god if I'll get the course of my choice I'll be a bit happy!
But I'm really confused at this point of my life!
I have full faith in you that you'll guide me through it!

There's a guilt in my heart that am I helping my brother enough!
He gets the scolding of my parents that how didi did this did that and I feel bad again.
And now I have to leave in few weeks maybe and I'm feeling helpless.
Maybe he'll manage without me but how will I?