Sometimes, life hits you with a kind of kindness you feel you never earned.
She gifted me something so special. Not just a thing, but emotions wrapped in effort, time, and heart. She put her soul into it. Every detail, every little part had a memory, a feeling, a silent message. And what did I do? Nothing. Not even a single thing to make her feel that she mattered the same way.
I’m carrying a strange kind of guilt. The heavy, painful kind that makes your chest feel tight and your eyes feel heavy. I’m not able to smile, not able to accept her gesture freely, because deep down, I feel I don’t deserve it. Not her effort. Not her emotions. Not even her thoughtfulness.
I’ve always been this emotionally numb person. I never truly understand people. Maybe that’s why I fail to respond to them the way they deserve. Maybe that’s why I feel so empty right now. Because she gave too much. And I gave nothing.
It’s not just guilt. It’s shame. Shame for not being able to be the kind of person someone like her should get in return. I keep thinking. Why me? Why would someone do so much for a person who doesn’t even know how to express gratitude properly?
She remembered moments. She made memories. She gave meaning. And all I did was stand there. Blank. Unworthy.
I don’t deserve such feelings. I don’t deserve someone who goes out of their way just to make me feel special. Because I couldn’t even give her back a single ounce of that love. That warmth. That care.
I’m sorry. Not to her, because even my sorry won’t mean much now. I’m sorry to myself, for not being able to be better. For not knowing how to feel things deeply until it's too late.
She gifted me something so special. Not just a thing, but emotions wrapped in effort, time, and heart. She put her soul into it. Every detail, every little part had a memory, a feeling, a silent message. And what did I do? Nothing. Not even a single thing to make her feel that she mattered the same way.
I’m carrying a strange kind of guilt. The heavy, painful kind that makes your chest feel tight and your eyes feel heavy. I’m not able to smile, not able to accept her gesture freely, because deep down, I feel I don’t deserve it. Not her effort. Not her emotions. Not even her thoughtfulness.
I’ve always been this emotionally numb person. I never truly understand people. Maybe that’s why I fail to respond to them the way they deserve. Maybe that’s why I feel so empty right now. Because she gave too much. And I gave nothing.
It’s not just guilt. It’s shame. Shame for not being able to be the kind of person someone like her should get in return. I keep thinking. Why me? Why would someone do so much for a person who doesn’t even know how to express gratitude properly?
She remembered moments. She made memories. She gave meaning. And all I did was stand there. Blank. Unworthy.
I don’t deserve such feelings. I don’t deserve someone who goes out of their way just to make me feel special. Because I couldn’t even give her back a single ounce of that love. That warmth. That care.
I’m sorry. Not to her, because even my sorry won’t mean much now. I’m sorry to myself, for not being able to be better. For not knowing how to feel things deeply until it's too late.
❤5😢3
जिदी हूँ, गुस्से वाला हूँ, बेपरवाह हूँ, बतमीज हूँ लेकिन, कभी मैंने किसी से रिश्ता मतलब के लिए नहीं रखा।
❤13💯2💔1
Everytime I see my Mother & I realise that this women deserves a lot and I haven't done anything for her...
❤16
Sometimes I delete whole Paragraph and write, "Okay, hmmm" etc because.. My mind says leave it they will never understand.
❤4💔4👍2