i suddenly started feeling happy and then i had the guilt of being happy 😾

tension nahi horhi ab iski tension hone lagi hai *smh*

my intrusive thoughts asking me to read bio ncert again

i talked to my topper friend to ask what is she doin today- she said shes covering deleted topics 'what if they ask this in exam'

wtf???????????

today imma

revise all phy formulas till 7pm
revise chemistry formulas and name reactions till 9 pm
read examples, datas, graphs and scientist in bio till 11
and sleep

i planned to not study today but-

i have been 'only' studying from last four months, so much that i had forgotten how to spend my day otherwise

so ill just study🤡

wait, how did the subs increased so randomly

meri tervi dekhne sab aarhe hai it seems

24 hours.

Studying 14 hours a day, not getting any sleep, barely eating, isolating, not socialising, surviving on a ton cup of coffee, grinding yourself until you're dead is NOT easy.
It just sounds cool.
Like omg, she studies all day, damn wow.
No.
It's not like that.
It's tough
It's fucking hard.
It's gonna almost ruin your life.
It'll burn up your mental health.
Rip you off emotionally.
And physically? You'll feel like someone is stabbing on your back continuously.

And results?
They are the most uncertain thing.
They aren't always supposed to be according to your hardwork.
And then you have your eyes filled up with tears and you'll feel like this is the end, this is enough, where's the result of all these sleepless nights and all the efforts that you have invested? You'll face many failures.

Its a slower way to suicide trust me


But.


But the moment you achieve the thing you're working for, you'll realise, it was all WORTH IT.
Nothing is in vain.
Success is an eventual process.
But if you are puting efforts, it'll surely knock your door.

i wrote this an year ago, and damn

writing a diary or having such a channel is really beautiful when after years you look back at your younger self, and realise how far you have come, how you dealt with all those hard times.
i was very stressed rn, but suddenly i scrolled this channel ( its mine but unfortunately i deleted the admin acc so ion have the access)
and it had few texts of how my test was bad and i was sad or how my test went really good and i was happy, but does it matter now? no. is anyone asking me those marks? no. I love how life isn't a linear graph, if there are good times, there will be bad ones too. but more than that I LOVE how we come out of these good and bad phases and move one.

(m1-em2)u1/m1+m2 + (1+e)m2u2/m1+m2

🤡hell bhai