killer who don't have the courage to carry the blade but love to kill

i hate how i treated her at that moment, as now i finally have TPP, but is it okay for people to cling onto people who don't even acknowledge their love?

i get the "if you love somebody you adore them though they don't reciprocate" , but should the victim sell their self respect just to feel acknowledged by that individual.
i don't think I'm that good looking or I've such a good personality to ever receive that, but it still happens.

So what's the thing I'm lacking? what's something i still don't know about? Why do people do this, am i missing a bigger picture?

they said, find a fish that's bigger than her. well, I'm in the ocean now.

her gaze conspired with my heart

In an ocean of pretence, 5 feet or 15 feet under, you'd still cease to breathe if you cannot swim.
                                    -Medusa

Good night 🌙

@

@

they're worried about me

"All this spinning around chasing perfection
... you can't go on like this forever"

are they jealous or really considerate towards me? is striving for perfection in everything really a bad thing? ik I can't be "perfect" somewhere but i at least want to fight with perfection.

so, i asked what's the purpose of your life then? why are you continuing to live if not for any purpose?
- I'm living for you, my family, and people around me, making your life easier is my purpose in life.

well, I couldn't say anything afterwards.

I'm really egoistic, that's what I got reflected upon last night.
it's when somebody,be it anybody, when they doubt me. my ego really fucking hurts.
and the later feeling of seeing his/her face after defeat really fuels that so much.

but being almost better in anything kind of reminds of a quote.

"A person who knows 1000kick and practices them each day, will get dusted by a person who knows one kick, and practices it 1000 times a day"

really? this is the most absurd thing I've read in my life.

i feel like they think of me as "just better than average", well that might be true.

as I'm living in a constant state of self-awareness.
but I don't wanna be defined as that-

better than average

i don't wanna be defined as rude, egoistic, narcissist fucker. (i like it though)

you gotta, make your own kind of music, sing your own special song. - Case Elliot

i wanna make my own song, i want to get perfect in something rather than being avg. in everything.

and that's when my brain says

-why not let's become perfect in everything we learn? let's make a song about that

*oh i sounds like a 13yo chunni here*

well, I'm interested in poetry nowadays, you can guess why